簡單幽默英語笑話三則

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，希望大家喜歡!

　　簡單幽默英語笑話1

　　A tiger caught a Deer.一隻老虎抓到一頭鹿

　　The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了這頭鹿.鹿急忙大叫：“你不能吃我?”

　　The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you? 老虎一楞，感到很奇怪，於是問鹿：“為什麼我不能吃你?”

　　The deer said:" Because im a protected second class animal in the country, so, no matter what you can't eat me !"

　　鹿說：“因為我是國家二級保護動物，所以，你無論如何也不能吃了我!”

　　The tiger after hearing what the deer said, laughed and said " haha, then i should really eat you !

　　老虎聽完笑著說：“呵呵，那麼我更應該要吃你了

　　Deer asked : " why ?"

　　鹿說：“為什麼?”

　　" because im a first class protected animal in the country" Tiger proudly said

　　“因為我是國家一級動物!”老虎得意地說。

　　簡單幽默英語笑話2

　　An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

　　Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

　　A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

　　The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　　阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。”

　　當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：“當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。”

　　一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?”

　　獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”

　　簡單幽默英語笑話3

　　The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

　　"What's in here?" he asked.

　　"Dirt," the driver replied.

　　"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

　　Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

　　A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

　　"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

　　"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

　　Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

　　The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

　　Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

　　一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。

　　“裡面裝的是什麼?”他問道。

　　“土。”司機回答。

　　“把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”

　　那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋裡除了土以外，別無他特。哨兵很不情願地讓他通過了。

　　一週後，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。

　　“這次袋子裡裝的是什麼?”他問道。

　　“土，又運了一些土。”那人回答。

　　哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。

　　同樣的事情每週重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最後，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，乾脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。有天夜裡，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什麼東西?”

　　那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。”