幽默爆笑英語笑話

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：遇到第九顆葡萄的命運

　　Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.

　　三個在森林迷路的人被食人族抓住了。食人族首領對他們說，如果他們能通過一項遊戲，他們就能活命。

　　The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

　　測驗的第一關是，去森林裡採摘屬於同一品種的10個水果。所以，這三個人分散開來去採摘水果。

　　The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

　　第一個人回來對食人族首領說：“我帶回來了10個蘋果。”首領然後向他說明了遊戲規則：“你必須要把這10個蘋果塞進你的***裡，同時臉上不能有任何表情，否則就吃了你。

　　The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

　　第一個蘋果被塞進去了…。到第二個的時候，因為疼痛他躲開了，所以，他被吃掉了。

　　The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

　　第二個人帶著10個葡萄回來了。當首領向他說明遊戲規則後，他想，對他來說這應該很容易。

　　So he proceeded: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.

　　他開始了，一個，兩個，三個， ……。當到第九個葡萄的時候，他大笑了起來，所以，他馬上被吃了。

　　Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

　　幾星期過去了，第一個人和第二個人在天堂碰面了。第一個人問第二個人：“你當時幹嘛笑啊，你都快成功了?”

　　"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

　　第二個人回答說：“我忍不住啊，我看見第三個人拿著10個菠蘿回來了。”

　　：醫生的建議

　　A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help:

　　候診室裡坐著一位憂心忡忡的病人，當醫生傳喚他時，

　　"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"

　　他滿面愁容的說：“醫生，怎麼辦?我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油!”

　　"Oh, Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"

　　醫生回答他說：“喔..沒關係啦!記得這幾天不要抽菸!”

　　：最新報道

　　While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest, two journalists found the annoyed beast turned around to chase them.

　　兩個記者在森林中拍攝熊吃魚的鏡頭，忽然熊發現了他們並向他們衝過來，兩個記者拼命的跑，最後都要跑不動了。

　　In running, one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more! What should we do?" "No idea. But one of us will have his photo on the headline ***tomorrow***." replied his colleague.

　　一個記者說：“我們怎麼辦?”這時另一個記者對他的同伴說：“我也不知道，不過我們中的一個要上頭條了……”