經典的爆笑英語小笑話

　　笑話一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一種民間口頭創作形式,在民間文化中以口口相傳的形式傳播。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　A Thank-you Note

　　Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "

　　一封感謝信

　　有一次，我收到一封感謝信，是一個我曾幫助過的朋友寄來的。信封內有五張彩票，都被刮過了，露出了數字。“非常感謝您的幫助，”信上寫道，“作為禮物，我給您買了些彩票----真遺憾，您沒中獎。”

　　篇二

　　Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat named Edgar. James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous instructions about the pet' s care. At the end of this first day away. James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?"

　　"Edgar is dead." Herbert answered. There was a pause. Then James said, "Herbert, you're insensitive, you know how close I was to Edgar -you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said, 'Edgar's on the roof , but I have called the fire department to get him down.' And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the fire-men have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. Then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar. And, oh, before I forget," James added, "how is mother?"

　　"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She' s on the roof."

　　報喪方式

　　郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母並養了一隻貓叫埃德格。詹姆斯特別喜歡這隻貓。有一次他要外出幾天，臨行前不厭其煩地囑咐郝伯特照顧好這隻寵物。出門後的頭一天晚上，他打來電話詢問：“埃德格好嗎?”

　　“它死了，”郝伯格回答。一陣沉默之後，詹姆斯說：“郝伯特，你真沒心沒肺，你知道我多麼喜歡埃德格----你應該把這個訊息慢慢地告訴我。當我問起埃德格今晚怎樣時，你應該說，‘埃德格爬上了屋頂，我已給消防隊打了電話，讓他們把它救下來。’我明天又給你打電話時，你應該說消防隊營救埃德格遇到了困難，但你相信他們會成功。在我第三天給你打電話時，你可以說消防隊員已盡了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德格從屋頂上掉了下來，被送到獸醫那裡。在我最後一次給你打電話詢問，你可以說盡管對埃德格做了一切所能做的努力，它還是死了。這是一個富有感情的人告訴我埃德格的訊息時所用的方式。哦，趁我沒忘記還有件事順便問一下，”詹姆斯補充道，“母親好嗎?”

　　“哦……”一陣沉默後郝伯特答道，“她上了屋頂。”

　　篇三

　　Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

　　Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

　　Notes:

　　***1*** bachelor n.單身漢

　　***2*** court v.向求愛;追求

　　***3*** boil over 沸騰而溢位***本文指全身心地投入付出***

　　***4*** simmer v.***做菜時***煨***本文指見好就收***

　　***5*** whim n.一時的興致;奇想

　　***6*** look up探訪

　　要否結婚

　　弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。

　　他回來即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了!”

　　篇四

　　離事故有多遠?

　　A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

　　一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。

　　The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　法官問他當時離事發現場有多遠。

　　The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".

　　木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。

　　"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.

　　法官問：“什麼?你怎麼能這樣確定?”

　　"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

　　木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會有傻瓜問我這個問題，所以我事先測量了一下。”

　　篇五

　　你納稅了嗎?

　　A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to reviewhis records.

　　一個神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂地和前來查帳的國稅局的稅務審計員交談。

　　At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.

　　審計員一度大聲地說，“Carelton先生，我們認為能在美國生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，

　　As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"

　　而作為一個美國公民，您也有納稅的義務。我們希望您能無比樂意地帶著微笑來納稅。”

　　"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."

　　“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我帶著錢來交稅呢!”