超好笑的經典英語笑話

　　笑話***анекдот***是民族文化不可或缺的一部分。透過笑話我們可以看到一個民族的生存環境、生活方式、社會關係和心理特徵等等。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：I Know The Whole Truth

　　At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.

　　He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

　　His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

　　Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

　　The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

　　Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

　　The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

　　：The Nonconformist Bird

　　There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"

　　So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist bird had never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might freeze to death. Realizing he had made a big mistake by staying, he headed to a near by barn for shelter. On his way to the barn it began to snow. The poor bird was cold, tired and hungry. "Why did I stay?" he asked himself as he collapsed on the ground. As he lay there covered by the snow, a cow happened by. The cow, feeling the need to relieve himself, crapped right on the bird. At first being angry the bird said, "Who did this horrible thing to me, how dare someone crap on me, I'll get him for this!" The crap was too heavy for him to free himself. But, after a while the crap began to warm him and he forgot all about his anger. In fact he was so warm that he began to sing. A buzzard passing overheard the singing and went down to investigate. As he cleared away the crap to his delight he found the bird. The bird was so happy to be free from the crap that he thanked the buzzard, who then decided to eat the little bird.

　　The moral of this story: Just because someone craps on you, it does not make them your enemy, and just because someone gets you out of the crap, it does not make them your friend.

　　：A Brief Moment

　　Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older.

　　One declares, "Sometimes I catch myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and for a brief moment can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

　　The second lady chimes in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and can't remember if I'm on my way up or down."

　　The third one responds, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock wood," as she taps her knuckles on the table. "That must be someone at the door, I'll get it!"

　　：Bye Mom

　　This guy goes into a supermarket and this old lady is staring at him in a sad way. Through out the store the old lady is there wherever he turns! She is sad and still staring at him. Then the guy goes to purchase his things. The old lady is in front of him!

　　She says," My son died a few years ago. You look so much like him. On the way out of the store I'll wave and can you say "Bye Mom" for me?"

　　The guy feels sorry for her so he agrees.

　　As the lady waves, he shouts, "Bye Mom!".

　　When he is getting ringed up the cashier says, "That will be $567.65 sir."

　　He says, "How can it be that much? I'm only buying 7 things!"

　　The cashier replies, "Your mom said that you'd pay."

　　：Notes To Women

　　- Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

　　- Don't imagine that you can change a man unless he is in diapers.

　　- What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

　　- So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

　　- If they put a man on the moon - why can't they put them all there?

　　- Tell him you are not his type - you have a pulse.

　　- Never let your mans mind wander - it is too little to be let out alone.

　　- Go for younger men - you might as well, they never mature anyway.

　　- Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

　　- Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some womanmiserable.

　　- Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the Do It Yourself types.

　　- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they are too old for it.

　　- Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

　　- If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

　　- A mans idea of serious commitment is usually 'oh alright, I'll stay the night.'

　　- Sadly, all men are created equal.

　　- Remember that a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

　　- The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exaltedstatus of 'former boyfriend.'

　　- There are lots of words to describe men - strong, caring, loving -they'd be wrong but you can still use them.