幽默爆笑英語笑話大全

　　冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語言現象,它輕鬆詼諧、別具一格,給我們緊張的生活增添了幾分輕鬆的情趣,它一出現便受到了大多數人的喜愛。小編整理了幽默爆笑英語笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　幽默爆笑英語笑話：誰都沒空

　　I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.

　　那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮著。

　　As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.

　　我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。

　　I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."

　　我說沒問題，然後掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因為我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”

　　Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

　　隨後，五分鐘之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”

　　幽默爆笑英語笑話：誰都沒空

　　I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.

　　那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮著。

　　As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.

　　我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。

　　I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."

　　我說沒問題，然後掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因為我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”

　　Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

　　隨後，五分鐘之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”

　　幽默爆笑英語笑話：開業大吉

　　A new business was opening ... and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers forthe occasion.

　　新公司開業了，開業典禮上，經理的一個朋友送他一個花籃。

　　They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

　　經理高聲朗讀著花籃上的賀卡：“安息吧。”

　　The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

　　經理生氣極了，打電話找來賣花的人要質問他是怎麼回事。

　　After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine , there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ..

　　花店老闆來了，看到這個明顯的錯誤和經理氣急敗壞的樣子，他說：“我真得很抱歉。但是與其這麼生氣，你倒不如這樣想：有另外一個地方，今天要舉辦一個葬禮，他們將會收到一個花籃，

　　'Congratulations on your new location!'"

　　留言條上寫著‘恭喜你有了新的歸屬!’”

　　幽默爆笑英語笑話：晨起反應

　　The neighbor dropped in on a friendand found her sitting at the kitchen table,staring blankly ata half-empty cup of coffee,her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

　　一個鄰居順道去拜訪自己的一位朋友，發現她正呆坐在廚房的桌子旁，眼睛茫然地盯著已經喝了一半的咖啡，她的三個孩子正在隔壁的房間裡大聲地喧譁。

　　"What's wrong ?" she asked.The friend told her that she had "morning sickness".

　　“怎麼了?”她問。朋友告訴她自己不過是有點“晨起反應”。

　　Surprised the neighbor said,"I didn't even know you were pregnant."

　　鄰居非常吃驚，說，“我甚至都不知道你又懷孕了!

　　"I'm not." the harried young woman replied."I'm just sick of mornings."

　　“哦，我沒有懷孕，”年輕的婦人苦惱地回答，“我只是膩煩透了早上而已!”

　　幽默爆笑英語笑話：現代騎士精神

　　Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddlesjust off the curb of the busy street.

　　我朋友的丈夫William***是一名計程車司機***，此時正坐在車裡等著一名顧客付錢，同時，看著傾盆而下的大雨在那條忙碌的街道邊上留下一些猶如湖一般大小的水窪。

　　Then the back door opened and a customer got in.

　　這時，車的後座門開了，一位顧客鑽了進來。

　　As William asked the destination,the would-be passenger exited through the other door,successfully avoiding the puddles.

　　當William問她要到哪時，這名準乘客從車的另一扇門下去了，成功地躲開了那些水窪。

　　"Thanks,"; she said. "Chivalry isn't dead after all."

　　“謝謝”，女乘客說。“看來騎士精神畢竟還沒有死”。