關於簡單英文笑話小短文

　　笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。笑話可能只是文字遊戲,但有時它在人們解決生活中的困惑時起著重要作用。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!

　　：The Better Mistress

　　A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutelystunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

　　His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

　　"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

　　The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

　　"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

　　Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

　　"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

　　"Ours is prettier," says the wife.

　　：Brains Available

　　A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news."

　　The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have which ever brain you like.

　　The man's brain is $100,000.00 and the woman's brain is $30,000.00. The patient could not help but ask; "Why such a large difference between, the male and the female brain?"

　　The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."

　　：How Much Is That Barbie In The Window

　　Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.

　　He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

　　In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?"

　　She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".

　　Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

　　"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

　　：No Way

　　Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

　　Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

　　"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed.

　　"No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

　　：This Place Stinks

　　A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

　　Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

　　"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

　　"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."