關於用英語講一個笑話

　　冷笑話是近幾年才出現的新興語言現象，它以網路為主要的傳播方式。它是幽默的一種特殊的表現形式，主要流傳於網頁，微博，貼吧等。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　Psychological Test 心理學測試

　　The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

　　一位剛剛做完一場有關心理健康講座的心理學指導老師，正在進行一個口頭測試。

　　Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

　　測試主題定為躁狂抑鬱症，她問道：“你將怎樣診斷這樣的一個病人，他先是來回走著並大聲叫喊了一分鐘，然後坐在一張椅子上失控般地哭泣。”

　　A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

　　一個坐在後面的年輕人舉手答道：“他是一個籃球教練?”

　　篇二

　　Heard on a public bus 公交車上的宣告

　　Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.奧蘭多公車上的宣告。

　　"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."“當您下車的時候，請務必低頭並小心腳下。”

　　"If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." “如果您踩空了並撞到您的頭了的時候，請您降低音量並注意您的用語。謝謝。”

　　篇三

　　Caught stealing 當場擒獲小偷

　　A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

　　一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”

　　The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

　　經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點。你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。"

　　篇四

　　Sharing everything 分享所有

　　A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

　　一個年輕人在麥當勞裡看見一對年邁的夫婦在吃午餐。他發現那對夫婦只點了單人餐，還要了一個空杯子。年輕人看見丈夫認真地把漢堡分成兩半，把薯條一根一根數出來同樣放成兩堆，一份給自己，一份放在妻子面前。之後丈夫把飲料一半倒到空杯子裡，同樣放到妻子面前。這時丈夫開始吃了，而妻子卻把手攤在膝蓋上，在一旁看著。

　　The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

　　年輕人決定上前請那對夫婦允許他為他們再買一份單人餐，這樣他們就不用分一份了。

　　The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

　　丈夫說道：“哦，不用了。我們已經結婚50年了，所有的東西我們都會一起分享，對半兒分。”

　　The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

　　然後年輕人問妻子她為什麼不吃，她說：“這回他先用假牙。”

　　篇五

　　Hard of hearing 身患重聽

　　Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

　　有三個退休的老人，都患有重聽。三月裡風和日麗的一天，他們在一起散步。

　　One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

　　其中一個人對另一個人說：“這天兒風有點兒大，是吧?”

　　"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

　　“不是，”第二個人回答道，“今天是星期四。”

　　And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

　　第三個人插話進來說：“我也是，去買瓶可樂吧。”