關於簡單的英語笑話帶翻譯

　　在交際場合,能恰到好處地講個笑話或自創一個幽默,不僅可以體現自己的語言水平,還可以提升個人魅力。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：I'm not even thirsty 我一點都不渴

　　Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, "I must tell you my greatest secret." His family urges him to go on.

　　"Before I got married, I had it all," Stanislaw explains. "Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, 'Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?"

　　"What?"

　　"I'm not even thirsty!"

　　臨死之前，斯坦尼斯被他摯愛的家人包圍著。知道自己的最後時刻就要來了，他拿出所有力氣，輕聲耳語，“我必須告訴你們一個最大的祕密。”他的家人催他趕緊說。

　　斯坦尼斯說，“在我結婚之前，我什麼都有：靚車，美女，還有大把大把的錢。但是一個好朋友警告我說，‘你應該結婚，建立一個家庭，否則當你奄奄一息躺在床上時，都沒個人會為你端茶倒水。’於是我聽取了他的建議，離開了姑娘們，娶了一個妻子。我不再把錢花在啤酒上，而是留下來給孩子們買吃的。我賣掉了我的法拉利，投資了大學基金。所以現在才有了你們。可你們知道嗎?”

　　“知道什麼?”

　　“我現在一點都不渴啊!”

　　：Who is he waiting for 他在等誰

　　Two friends were having lunch at a café in new York's Grand Central Terminal. They noticed a man sitting alone at an adjoining table. When the waitress approached him, they overheard her ask, "Are you waiting to be joined by a tall, thin woman with long, blond hair?" He answered, "In the large scheme of my life, yes, but today I'm meeting my wife." 兩個朋友在紐約市汽車中心總站的一家咖啡廳裡吃午飯。 他們注意到一個男人獨自坐在鄰桌。當服務員小姐走向他時，無意中聽到她問那個男人：“你是在等一位個子很高，很瘦，留長髮，面板很白的金髮女人嗎?” 那人回答說：“在我生活的長遠規劃中，我是在等。但是今天，我卻是在等我的妻子。”

　　：Keys? Kiss?

　　A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went verysmoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

　　我的一位朋友在給一個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子，書本，鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到一名來自義大利的學生，我的朋友說：“給我鑰匙。”那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重複了一遍：“給我鑰匙。”那位義大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。

　　：A white lie 善意的謊言

　　A middle-aged couple went to the gallery.

　　The wife who was nearsighted, stood in front of a mirror at the entrance, which she thought that it was a picture, and she saw a woman's image and cried out, "Dear me, how could a woman be so ugly?"

　　"Don't be so fussy," said the husband. "It's lucky that it is not a mirror and it's a picture."

　　一對中年夫妻來到畫廊。

　　妻子是近視眼，她站到了***處的鏡子面前，她以為這面鏡子是一幅畫。她看到了一張女人的肖像，驚呼道：“天吶，天下竟然有這樣醜陋的女人。”

　　“別大驚小怪，”她的丈夫說，“還好那是一張畫，而不是一面鏡子。”