雷死你的英語笑話大全

　　笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。本文是雷死你的英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　雷死你的英語笑話篇一

　　Problem with gas放屁的問題

　　A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

　　有位小老太太去看醫生：“醫生，我有愛放屁的毛病。其實也不是大問題，只是我放屁不臭而且沒聲音。事實上，我在這裡已經放了20多個屁，但是你並不知道對吧，因為我的屁不臭，而且還沒聲音。”

　　The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."

　　醫生說：“好的，我明白了。吃這個藥片，一天三次連續吃七天，下星期你再來。”

　　The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly."

　　一星期後老太太來了，“醫生，你到底給的我什麼藥，現在我放屁還是沒聲音，但是怎麼這麼臭!”

　　The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."

　　醫生說：“太好了!你的嗅覺正常了，現在開始治聽覺。”

　　雷死你的英語笑話篇二

　　Poisonous snakes 毒蛇

　　A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"

　　一個陽光明媚的下午，蛇父親和蛇兒子出去散步。兒子問：“爸爸，我們是毒蛇嗎?”父親得意的答道：“當然了，孩子，我們是響尾蛇啊!為什麼這麼問呢?”“因為，我剛把舌頭咬破了!”

　　雷死你的英語笑話篇三

　　Talking clock 會說話的鐘

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是幹什麼用的?”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎麼工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白痴!現在是凌晨兩點鐘了!”

　　雷死你的英語笑話篇四

　　Photo 我老婆的照片

　　A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

　　一個生意人走進一家酒館，在吧檯坐下，點了一杯加冰的雙料martini。喝完，那生意人往自己襯衣的口袋裡瞥了一眼，然後又讓服務員把杯子滿上。喝完，生意人又往自己襯衣的口袋裡瞥了一眼，然後又讓服務生幫他把杯子滿上。這時酒館的服務生說話了，“呃，老兄，我整個晚上給你倒martini都沒有問題，但你得告訴我，你為什麼在點下一杯酒前都要往自己襯衣的口袋裡偷偷看那麼一眼”。生意人回答，“我看的是我老婆的一張照片。如果照片上的人開始變得好看起來，那就說明我喝得差不多了，該回家了。”

　　雷死你的英語笑話篇五

　　他什麼都沒聽到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。 “我丈夫的新助聽器”。