英文簡短笑話

　　笑話是內容豐富並具有出乎意料結尾的幽默口頭故事。笑話幾乎涵蓋人們生活的所有領域,其中包括政治笑話、經濟笑話、家庭生活笑話、關於民族性格的笑話等。 下面是小編帶來的，歡迎欣賞!

　　篇1

　　The patient was recovering after an operation. His friend came to visit him and asked how he was getting along.

　　"Well," the patient began, "after my first operation they had to cut me open again. The doctor had to take out the sponge left in me." "But you got over it all right?"

　　"Oh, yes. Only I had another operation yesterday. They found that they had operated on the wrong part."

　　"Thank God. You're all right now, though," the friend said encouragingly.

　　At that time the doctor came in saying, "Has anyone seen my hat around here? I left it somewhere yesterday."

　　一位病人做完一個手術回到病房，他的朋友來看望他並問他感覺怎麼樣。

　　“哎，”這位病人說，“第一次手術後他們又給我開了一刀，因為醫生要取出忘在我體內的紗布.”“但是你挺過來了?”

　　“噢，是的，只是他們昨天又給我開了一刀，因為他們發現開刀開錯了地方。”

　　“感謝上帝，你現在總算沒事了 。”朋友安慰他說。

　　正在這時醫生進來說：“誰在這兒看見我的帽子了?我昨天把它忘在什麼地方了。”

　　篇2

　　Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

　　Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

　　"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

　　"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

　　Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

　　"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

　　"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

　　She laughed nastily. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

　　威廉姆斯太太住在倫敦的的一條小街上，現在她有了一位新鄰居。

　　這鄰居叫布里格斯太太，她對她的高檔傢俱，漂亮地毯和新廚房談論很多。

　　“你知道嗎?” 有一天她對威廉姆斯太太說道：“我有一臺新洗碗機。它洗盤子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”

　　“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“它能弄乾盤子、杯子和刀叉嗎?還可以把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”

　　布里格斯太太很吃驚。“ 嗯，”她回答說，“洗碗機裡的盤子、杯子和刀叉一小時後就幹了，但當然囉，洗碗機不能把它們收起來。”

　　威廉姆斯太太說：“我有一臺洗碗機已經12年半了。”

　　“哦?”布里格斯太太回答說，“你的洗碗機在洗完盤子、杯子和刀叉後能把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”她不懷好意地大笑起來。

　　“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“他把碗盤刀叉弄乾後就把它們收起來。”

　　篇3

　　A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

　　Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

　　The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

　　It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

　　一個蘇格蘭人提著一隻大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車後，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。

　　售票員最終還是找到了他，並叫他補票:“你已經坐了5英里了，請付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”

　　蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會付那麼多錢的。我只付1便士，因為我剛剛上車。”最後，他們爭吵起來。售票員越吵越生氣，終於在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。

　　箱子掉進河裡，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那裡，片刻之後對售票員說：“我的上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現在還淹死了我的兒子強尼。”

　　
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