初中幽默英語笑話

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，希望大家喜歡!

　　1：

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely***嚴格地，嚴厲地***.

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel***勸告，建議*** to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted***膽小的*** dunces***傻瓜*** why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裡所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

　　然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。

　　國王說：看到我們國家裡還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　2：

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名準備買東西的顧客發生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $$10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　我指出這本書儲存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢不用找了。”他說。

　　3：

　　The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

　　美國中情局要召一個刺客的職位。在進行過所有背景調查、面談和測試之後，最終剩下三名候選人，兩個男人和一個女人。最後一輪測試，中情局官員把其中一個男人領到一扇大鐵門前，然後給他一把槍。

　　"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

　　“我們要了解你能夠無條件地服從所有指令。在這扇門裡有你老婆，你去把她幹掉。”

　　The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

　　這第一個男人說：“少開玩笑了!我絕對不可能會向我老婆開槍的。”

　　The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

　　官員回答說：“那你就不適合這份工作。”

　　The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

　　接著他們要求第二個男人做同樣的事。他拿了槍走進房間，5分鐘後哭著出來，說：“我試過了，但我不能殺死我的妻子。”

　　The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

　　官員說：“你不具備這項工作要求的能力，帶著你老婆回家吧。”

　　Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

　　最後輪到了候選者中的女人。她被要求殺死自己的丈夫。她拿槍進入房間。接著，外面聽到了兩聲槍響。然後是尖叫聲、撞擊聲、和什麼東西摔在牆上的聲響。再幾分鐘，一切都安靜了。門慢慢開啟，那女人站在那裡。她把袖子捲起來，說：“你們這些傢伙怎麼不告訴我槍裡沒裝子彈啊?我最後還是用椅子把他打死的!”