初中英語幽默笑話三則

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，希望大家喜歡!

　　初中英語幽默笑話1：

　　A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

　　She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

　　She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

　　She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

　　He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

　　But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

　　妻子睡了一小會兒後覺得自己好多了。而時間尚早，她也換了裝去到舞會。她想到自己的丈夫並不知道自己換了什麼裝扮，於是打算偷偷觀察一下丈夫在自己不在身邊時的表現。

　　到了舞會，妻子看到丈夫在舞池中和不同的姑娘熱舞。她跟著也加入其中，她的丈夫也和她跳起舞來。跟著他們離開舞池，再跟著%*#@!#%￥***少兒不宜，省略數百字***，而在期間，他們兩人都沒有摘下面具。

　　之後妻子就先回家了。她坐下來讀書、有點幸災樂禍地等丈夫回來，看他要如何解釋。

　　跟著她的丈夫也回來了。她問：“今晚過的怎麼樣啊?”

　　丈夫答道：“啊~ 還是老一套，你知道的，你不在我怎麼會開心呢?”

　　妻子又問：“你是不是跳了很多舞啊?”

　　他答：“我一支曲子都沒跳，我到了那兒就遇到彼得、布朗和其他幾個兄弟，接著我們就去休息室打撲克打了一晚上。不過我聽說……借走我面具和服裝的那個傢伙今天晚上倒玩得挺開心的!”

　　初中英語幽默笑話2：

　　An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

　　一個伊利諾伊州男人離開他已經開始下雪的芝加哥的家、要去南方的福羅裡達州度假。他的太太也正好在福羅裡達出差，準備第二天跟他碰面。他到了酒店之後，打算先給她太太去一封郵件。

　　Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

　　因為找不到寫下他太太郵件地址的那張紙條，所以他決定憑記憶發出這封信。可惜，他在輸入地址的時候漏掉了一個字母，因而把這封郵件發到了另一位夫人的郵箱，這位夫人的牧師丈夫頭天才剛剛過世。這個悲傷的寡婦開啟郵箱，讀完信後哀嚎一聲、倒在地板上就死了。

　　At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

　　她的家人聞聲趕來，發現電腦螢幕上留著這麼一封信：

　　Dearest Wife,

　　親愛的老婆：

　　Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

　　我剛剛住進來，一切都準備好了，就等你來。

　　Your Loving Husband.

　　你親愛的老公。

　　P.S. Sure is hot down here.

　　另：這下面還真是熱。

　　初中英語幽默笑話3：

　　Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

　　某日，三個男人排隊等著進天堂。而顯然那一天天堂很忙，所以聖彼得走出來對第一個人說：“今天天堂快滿員了，我只能讓一個死的最可憐的人進去，來說說你是怎麼死的吧。”

　　The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

　　第一個男人回答說：“這段時間以來我一直都懷疑我的老婆有了外遇，所以今天我就提早回家想要抓她個正著。我回到我位於25樓的公寓，我敢肯定有什麼地方不對，但任憑我把房子翻了個底兒朝天也找不到那個男人。終於，當我搜到陽臺的時候發現那個姦夫正吊在陽臺的欄杆上!我氣壞了，開始對他拳打腳踢，可你能相信嗎?他居然就是掉不下去!於是我又返回屋裡，拿了只錘子出來敲他的手。他終於掉下去了，但他居然只是掉進灌木叢，還是沒死!我再也忍受不了了，進屋把冰箱抬了出來、整個兒給他砸下去……他終於死了。而我呢，這時也因為太過憤怒，心臟病發，也死在了陽臺上。”

　　"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

　　“那聽起來是夠慘的。”聖彼得說，於是讓他進去了。

　　The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

　　輪到第二個男人，聖彼得解釋了相同的事，要他說說自己的死亡原因。

　　"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

　　“今天真是奇怪極了。看，我住26樓，每天早晨都在我的陽臺上鍛鍊。今天一早，也不知怎麼的，我踩滑了、掉下了樓。幸運的是，我及時抓住了25樓陽臺上的欄杆。我知道即便如此我也撐不了多久，而恰好一個男人走到了陽臺上來。我開心極了，想自己一定得救了。哪知道，他一過來就對我拳打腳踢、接著還進屋拿了一隻錘子砸我的手指。我終於掉下去了。但我掉進了灌木叢，也只是暈了一下而已。我正想著我應該沒事的，就看著從天而降一個冰箱，跟著我就到了這兒……”

　　Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

　　聖彼得不得不承認這傢伙死的很慘，讓他進了天堂。

　　The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

　　最後，終於輪到第三個男人了。聖彼得對他提出了相同的問題。

　　"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

　　這個男人說：“看吧，我裸著身子、藏在冰箱裡……”