關於英語笑話短文欣賞

　　笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。本文是關於英語笑話短文，希望對大家有幫助!

　　關於英語笑話短文：How do gentlemen do it

　　Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

　　The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

　　"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

　　"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

　　"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

　　關於英語笑話短文：God's Child 上帝的小孩

　　A preschooler asked his mother, "Mom, tomorrow our teacher is going to ask who my father is. What should I say?" The mother said, "Just tell her that God is your father!"

　　The next day, the boy went to school, and the teacher asked him, "Who is your father?" Scratching his scalp, the boy could not find an answer to the question.

　　The teacher asked again, "Who is your father?" The child confessed, "I used to think that Mr. Smith was my father. But yesterday my mother told me that I am the son of another person, and I cannot remember his name!"

　　有一個上幼稚園的小孩問他媽媽：“媽媽，明天老師會問我們，我爸爸是誰，那我應該怎麼回答呢?”媽媽說：“那你就說，上帝就是你的爸爸啊!”

　　隔天他來到學校，老師問他：“你爸爸是誰?”那個小孩在那邊抓頭抓腳，想不出來答案。

　　老師再問一次：“你爸爸到底是誰?”那個小孩就說：“我本來認為我爸爸是史密斯先生，不過昨天我媽媽又說我是另外一個人的兒子， 我一下子忘記他的名字了。”

　　關於英語笑話短文：Mother's Shock

　　A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.

　　But is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want.

　　In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith.

　　P.S.: Mum, it's not true. I'm at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in the desk drawer.

　　關於英語笑話短文：Shooting Accident

　　As a pregnant woman walked into a bank one day, a man dressed in black came in and shot her three times in the stomach. She was immediately rushed to the hospital.

　　She survived and had three children... two girls and one boy.

　　About ten years later, one of the daughters went up to her mother and said..."mom, something really weird happened to me. Yesterday when i was taking a crap I passed a bullet through my ass!"

　　The mother thought for a moment remembering the shooting that happened and told her daughter not to worry about it.

　　The next day, the second daughter went up to her mother and said "mom, something really weird happened to me. I was taking a crap the other day and I passed a bullet through my ass...". The mother told her not to worry about it.

　　The next day, the son went up to his mom and said "hey mom, guess what happened to me?"

　　The mom interupted - "let me guess, you passed a bullet through you ass too???"

　　Then he replied "no... I was jacking off and i shot the dog!"

　　關於英語笑話短文：Reality and Imagination

　　Small boy came home after the school and immediately he goes to his father.

　　Because the teacher was explaining in the class something about Reality and Imagination but to him it was not clear, he asks his father "can you tell me which the difference between Reality and Imagination is?" trying to be as objective as he can he reply to his sun: "go boy to your mom and your sis and tell them that a very handsome young boy asked you about them, that they are beautiful,like, he would love to share some moments alone with them but tell this to each personally and after they reply cam and tell me what they said". Boy goes at first and after that he has don what his father asked from him, he cams back and tell to father that "mother, when she heard me what I told her, her eyes start shining and asked me about the boys name and where he lives and is he really so cool etc." also the sister did the same, maybe she was more interested in details than mother. Than father told to the sun:

　　Boy, Imagination in this case is that I always thought that I have a faithful wife and a very educated daughter and Reality is that we have two sluts living in same house with us