真正好笑的英文笑話閱讀

　　笑話是一種頗受人們喜愛的民間敘事型別,材料豐富,有廣泛的現實基礎。但長期以來它卻一直被學界視為不登大雅之堂的小眾,致使研究成果相對薄弱。小編精心收集了真正好笑的英文笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　真正好笑的英文笑話：Short Father Christmas

　　What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?

　　Santa Clues!

　　Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.

　　Now thats what you call pot luck!

　　What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?

　　Freeze a jolly good fellow !

　　What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?

　　Santapplause !

　　Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar

　　Santa drives a rusty car

　　Press the starter

　　Press the choke

　　Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !

　　Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?

　　Santa Jaws !

　　Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?

　　Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !

　　Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?

　　Because they both have "Sandy claws" !

　　What does Father Christmas call his money ?

　　Iced lolly ?

　　What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?

　　Santa pause !

　　真正好笑的英文笑話：Good Looking Woman

　　A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking lady sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter." He says, "No kidding, what law firm do you work for?"

　　真正好笑的英文笑話： Male Chauvinist Pig Wannabe

　　Top ten answers I always wanted to give to women but never have ***and had to keep ondealing with an acute sense of repression of my true nature***:

　　No, we can't be friends, I just want to use you for sex.

　　The dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all the pizzas and chocolate you eat that make you actually fat.

　　Of course I'll call you. When I need to have sex again.

　　No, I wont be gentle. Of course you have to swallow.

　　Well yes, actually, I do this all the time.

　　After breaking wind*** No, I don't like stupid friends.

　　No, you will never see me again after tonight.

　　No, I don't care about your feelings.

　　Foreplay? I don't even know how to spell the word.

　　真正好笑的英文笑話： Target Practice

　　It was a nice day at the park by the lake. Three guys were casting their lines to catch some fish and a couple were rowing in a small boat. Two crows were cruising by, eyeing for some targets to let loose on. The younger of the two crows tried to show off and dove onto those three guys. Tut, tut, tut. But it went thud, thud, hitting only two of the three.

　　The older crow went towards the couple in the moving row boat. Tut, tut. And it went thud, hitting only one of the couples. Since this was a moving target, it didn't seem all that bad.

　　Then out from nowhere came this little bird, wings still wet like it was just been hatched. It dove towards those three guys. Tut, tut, tut. Thud, thud, thud. It swooped over to the row boat. Tut, tut. Thud, thud. Then a kid riding a bike came around. It flew over there. Tut. Thud. And it then rested on a tree branch.

　　So the two crows felt embarrassed and went over there, said, "We are impressed! Where do you learn to let loose on people like that?"

　　The little one said, "I may be a new hatch but I've got plenty of experience. In my former life I was a lawyer."

　　真正好笑的英文笑話：Useful Work Phrases

　　I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

　　I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

　　I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

　　It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

　　Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

　　The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

　　Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

　　I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

　　I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

　　It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

　　Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

　　No, my powers can only be used for good.

　　How about never? Is never good for you?

　　I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

　　You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

　　I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

　　I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

　　Who me? I just wander from room to room.

　　My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

　　At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

　　You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

　　I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

　　Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.