幽默簡短英語笑話大全

　　笑話由於其滑稽可笑的特點而為人們長久以來所喜愛。而人們對笑話的熱衷與喜愛也促使人們在開懷捧腹的同時對笑話為何能夠使人發笑這一問題進行思考。小編精心收集了幽默簡短英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　幽默簡短英語笑話篇一

　　愛爾蘭人的運氣

　　Two Irish lovers are sitting on a bench, in a park. They are holding hands，but the lady is nervously twisting her hands.

　　一對愛爾蘭情侶坐在公園裡的長椅上。他們手牽著手，但是那個女的一直緊張地擺弄她的雙手。

　　Mary: “Patrick. I have something to tell you.”

　　瑪麗:“帕特瑞克，我有些事想告訴你。”

　　Patrick: “Well，what’s on your mind? You know you can tell me everything.”

　　帕特瑞克:“好的，你在想什麼?有什麼事你儘管可以跟我說。”

　　Mary: “It’ s so terrible.”

　　瑪麗:“這件事簡直太難講出口了。”

　　Patrick: “You know you can trust me. What is it?”

　　帕克瑞克:“請你相信我，到底是什麼事?”

　　Mary: “Well, it was a few years ago. Father lost his job, and no money in sight…”

　　瑪麗:“那是好幾年前的事了。我爸爸失業了，當時沒有錢。”

　　Patrick: “So, what is it?”

　　帕特瑞克:“那然後呢?”

　　Mary: “Oh. We were so desperate. For some time I had to turn… prostitute!”

　　瑪麗:“哦，當時我們簡直是絕望之極。所以有時候我不得不去做妓女!”

　　Patrick: “WHAT!”

　　帕特瑞克:“你說什麼?”

　　Mary: “We needed the money so bad!”

　　瑪麗:“我們太需要錢了。”

　　Patrick: “There is no good reason for this! Endangering your very soul! How could you? YOU! Mary, this is more than I can stand!”

　　帕特瑞克:“不要找藉口開脫了。出賣你的靈魂，你怎麼能這麼做呢? 你! 瑪麗，這我實在是接受不了。”

　　Mary: “Not you, Pat! No! I thought you'd understand. I thought your could still love me, even though I had been a whore.”

　　瑪麗:“不，帕特請不要這樣，我覺得你能理解我。我相信你依然愛我，哪怕我曾經出賣過自己的身體。”

　　Patrick:“Oh! … You … Well, that's ok. For a moment I thought you said protestant’!”

　　帕特瑞克:“哦，你等會兒，那沒關係。剛才我還以為你是說你是當了新教徒呢。”

　　幽默簡短英語笑話篇二

　　兩個錯誤

　　For a long time Dr. Smith had wanted to get a better job in a certain big modern hospital, and at last he was successful. He was appointed to a particular position, which he wanted，and his wife moved to the house, which they were now to live in. The next day some beautiful flowers were sent to them, with a note，which said，"Deepest sympathy". Naturally,Dr. Smith was angry to receive such an unusual note, and telephoned the shop which had sent the flowers to find what the note meant.

　　很長時間以來，史密斯先生一直想在一家現代化的大醫院找到一份較好的工作，最後他如願以償了。他得到了他所想要的一個重要職位，他和他妻子也搬進了他們現在的房子。第二天，他讓花店送來了一些美麗的鮮花，上面有一張條子，寫道:“最深切的弔慰。”很顯然，史密斯先生對接到這樣一張條子感到非常氣憤，他立刻打電話給送花店的老闆問那張條子是什麼意思。

　　When the owner of the shop heard what had happened, he apologized to Dr. Smith for having made the mistake.

　　商店的老闆聽到所發生的事情之後，對於他們所造成的錯誤對史密斯先生表示歉意。

　　"But what really worried me much more," he added , "is that flowers which ought to have gone to you were sent to a person who had just died, with a card which said, Congratulations on your new position."

　　“可真正讓我更為擔心的是”，老闆補充道，“應該給你送去的鮮花卻被送給了一個剛去世的人，鮮花上的條子寫著:祝您高升。”

　　幽默簡短英語笑話篇三

　　我沒看到它

　　Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johmmy,and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?

　　媽媽: 約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子裡放了兩塊點心。現在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?

　　Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn' t notice the other.

　　約翰尼: 哦，我想是因為裡面太黑我沒看到另外那塊。

　　幽默簡短英語笑話篇四

　　上天堂還是下地獄

　　Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.

　　兩個傢伙死了之後，被允許選擇是願意呆在天堂還是地獄。他們提出能否到兩個地方先觀光一下，他們被允許了。首先他們來到了天堂。這裡都是穿著白衣服看上去很正派的人，他們坐在白雲上彈奏著豎琴。他們想:這是個多無聊的地方呀。

　　"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.

　　“讓我們下地獄吧，”他們互相商量著。

　　Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.

　　他們來到了地獄，這裡簡直是一番完全不同的景色。那裡有酒吧、***和遊樂園。每個人都可以免費喝酒，所有的人都享受著他們真正的快樂時光。當他們從地獄回來以後，他們不得不在天堂和地獄之間做出選擇。最後，他們都選擇了下地獄。

　　Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.

　　回到了地獄之後，他們立即被送進了一輛礦井車的後座，然後駛向了一個煤礦井。有人給他們每人一個鏟子，叫他們開始工作。

　　"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”

　　“這是怎麼回事?上次我們在這裡的時候完全不是這樣的。”

　　"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.

　　“是的，但是那時你們是遊客，現在你們是移民。

　　幽默簡短英語笑話篇五

　　金色的酒吧

　　One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife *** who is suspecting he’s cheating on her*** questions his whereabouts…

　　一天深夜，一個男人稍有醉意回到家中。他的妻子問他去哪了***她有些懷疑他的話***。

　　Wife: "Where were you?"

　　妻子:“你去哪了?”

　　Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden.”

　　丈夫:“我去了一個叫金色酒吧的新開張的酒吧。裡面的一切都是金的。”

　　Wife: "Sure you were. There' s no such place”

　　妻子:“你真去了嗎? 根本沒有這種地方!”

　　Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even golden urinals !”

　　丈夫:“有!那裡有一扇大金門，金地板和金的便池!”

　　Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%.”

　　妻子:‘好，就算我惻言你!”

　　So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar. She’s surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides to call up and check this out for herself…

　　第二天，他的妻子在電話號碼簿裡查金色酒吧的電話。使她吃驚的是金色酒吧就在他們住的小鎮的另一頭。她決定打電話過去證實一下她丈夫的話。

　　Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"

　　妻子:“這裡是金色酒吧嗎?”

　　Bartender: "Yes it is.”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，金色酒吧。”

　　Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors? "

　　妻子:“你們那裡是不是有一扇金色大門?”

　　Bartender: "Yes we do…”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，我們有......”

　　Wife: "Do you have golden floors?"

　　妻子:“你們的地板也是金色的?”

　　Bartender; "We have them, too…”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，這也對……”

　　Wife: "What about golden urinals?"

　　妻子:“那有沒有金色便池?”

　　Bartender*** speaking away from phone***:"Hey Max，I think we have a lead on the guy that fouled your alto-sax.”

　　酒吧服務員在電話那頭問:“嘿，馬克斯，我認為那天有人往你的高音薩克斯裡小便的事有線索了。”