關於初中短篇的英語笑話

　　前蘇聯著名作家高爾基說過,“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：I'VE GOT A BEAR BEHIND

　　Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.

　　The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex."

　　He bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge.

　　Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him.

　　The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

　　Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged!

　　Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.

　　The polar bear says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"

　　：IS THAT YOUR DOG?

　　A timid little man, walked into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

　　A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

　　"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

　　"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

　　"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

　　"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

　　"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

　　：JESUS IS WATCHING YOU

　　A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".

　　：LIFE AS A MOLE

　　A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"

　　The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maplesyrup! I smell maple syrup!"

　　The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...."

　　：EMERGENCY IN THE VET'S OFFICE

　　A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

　　The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

　　The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

　　The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

　　The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

　　The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

　　The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

　　The vet answers, "$650."

　　"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

　　"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."