好背易讀的英文短笑話

　　冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,伴隨著網路的普及它已經滲透到了青年群體的日常生活,偶爾爆出的一兩句冷笑話能使交流氛圍變得輕鬆愉悅,也能展示交談者的幽默和智慧。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　Ashamed Soldier 慚愧的士兵

　　Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.

　　One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!

　　Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.

　　Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?

　　He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.

　　彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。

　　一天他和夥伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最後一發子彈都浪費掉!去那堵牆後面用它向自己打一槍吧。

　　彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵牆後面。幾分鐘後，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。

　　上帝!教官叫起來，難道那個笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了?

　　他急忙跑到那堵牆後面，發現彼得安然無恙。對不起，長官，他說，我還是沒有命中。

　　篇二

　　Response Ability 答問技巧

　　An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation***集會*** for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

　　Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

　　A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

　　The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　　衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。”

　　當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：“當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。”

　　一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?” 獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”

　　篇三

　　The Problem of Two Flounders 兩個比目魚問題

　　Simon was an inveterate***根深的*** fisherman, well known for exaggerating the size of the one that got away. But there came a day when he actually caught two enormous flounders***掙扎，比目魚*** . He immediately invited a few friends over to dine, then tried to figure out how best to serve the fish. If I use both, he told his wife, it will seem ostentatious***招搖的*** .

　　Why not serve a piece of each? she suggested.

　　No, if I cut them up, nobody will believe I caught two giant flounders. Simon racked his brain. Then he had an idea.

　　The guests were seated at the table when their host strode in with a platter***大盤子*** , holding the biggest flounder they'd ever seen. Suddenly Simon stumbled and fell. Everyone cried out in dismay as the fish crashed to the floor, but Simon quickly brushed himself off.

　　Dear, he called out to his wife, bring in the other flounder!

　　西蒙是個老練的漁夫。人們都熟知他愛吹噓跑掉的那條魚的尺寸。但有一天他確實抓了兩條極大的比目魚。他立刻邀請幾個朋友過來吃飯，然後著力搞清楚怎樣上魚。如果兩條一起上，他對妻子說，好像有點炫耀之嫌了。

　　何不兩條魚各上一塊呢?他妻子建議道。

　　不行，如果把兩條魚都切碎了，就不會有人相信我抓了兩條大比目魚了。西蒙絞盡了腦汁，終於想出了一個好辦法。

　　客人已在餐桌邊就座完畢，這時主人大步地走進來，手裡端著一個托盤，托盤上是一個他們所見過的最大的比目魚。突然西蒙被什麼東西絆了一下摔倒了。所有的人都驚慌地叫了起來，因為魚在地板上摔得粉碎。但是西蒙迅速地擺脫了窘境。

　　親愛的，他對妻子喊道，把另一條魚端上來!

　　篇四

　　The Way to Keep Away Flies 驅蠅妙招

　　There was a customer who came and asked a waiter in a cafeteria: "Oh, tell me, Susan, how do you keep all the flies out of your coffee shop?" So she said: "I just let the flies taste the stuff." 有位客人問餐廳的服務生：蘇珊，你們店裡都沒有蒼蠅，你是怎麼做到的? 蘇珊回答說：我只是讓蒼蠅先試吃我們的東西。

　　篇五

　　The Best Stimulant 最佳興奮劑

　　A patient said to his doctor, "Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit."

　　So the doctor said, "Don't worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings."

　　病人跟醫生說：“醫生，請給我一些可以振奮、刺激、充滿鬥志的藥。”

　　醫生說：“別擔心，這個拿去，看到這張帳單以後，你要的這些就都會有了。”