趣味搞笑笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：太晚了 It's Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一個醫科學生被要求說明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分鐘後，這個學生問教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手錶，說：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　：因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業好幾個月了。

　　最後他在一個瓷器店找到了一個工作。可是才幹了幾天，他就打爛了一個很大的花瓶。

　　經理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問：“那個花瓶值多少錢?”經理說：“值500美元。”他很高興地說：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終於有個穩定的工作啦。”

　　：我幹得怎麼樣 How did I do

　　A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開著警車第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一群閒逛的人，於是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這裡。”人們看了他幾眼，沒理他。他喊起來：“離開這裡，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎麼回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開了。

　　新警察對他第一次執行公務的結果很滿意，對老警察說：“我幹得怎麼樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　：Put your feet in

　　Put your feet in

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　把腳放進去

　　一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裡起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什麼事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴裡拿出來，把腳放進去。”

　　：the cigarettes will be on fire

　　Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

　　'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

　　'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

　　瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸菸，一天對他抱怨說：“我希望有一天所有捲菸廠都失火。”

　　“不用擔心，親愛的，所有的菸捲遲早都會點著的。”他笑著說。

　　：jump up and down

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

　　媽媽：你為什麼不停地跳上跳下的?

　　湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了

　　：Give up your seat to a lady

　　Give up your seat to a lady

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　給女士讓座

　　小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”

　　“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。