有關經典英語笑話大全

　　冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象，越來越受到大家的關注，尤其在網路、雜誌、微博、電影上十分盛行。小編精心收集了有關經典英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　有關經典英語笑話：Being Male

　　Why It's Cool To Be Male

　　Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

　　A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

　　You can open all your own jars.

　　Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

　　You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

　　You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.

　　You can leave the motel bed unmade.

　　You can kill your own food.

　　You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

　　Wedding plans take care of themselves.

　　If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

　　Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

　　If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

　　Everything on your face stays its original color.

　　You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

　　Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

　　You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

　　Car mechanics tell you the truth.

　　You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

　　Same work, more pay.

　　Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

　　Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.

　　You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

　　If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

　　Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

　　You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

　　You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

　　You almost never have strap problems in public.

　　You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

　　The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

　　You don't have to shave below your neck.

　　At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

　　Your belly usually hides your big hips.

　　One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

　　You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

　　You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

　　Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

　　有關經典英語笑話：Breathalyzer

　　Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.

　　"Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.

　　"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years!"

　　有關經典英語笑話： Still A Virgin

　　"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"

　　"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be."

　　"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed."

　　有關經典英語笑話：Old Man Tricks Girl

　　An old man, walking along the beach, approached a beautiful girl in a bikini and abruptly said to her, "I want to feel your breasts!" Get away from me, you crazy old man" she scowled. "I want to feel your breasts. I'll give you twenty dollars," he said. "Twenty dollars梐re you nuts? Get away from me!" "I want to feel your breasts! "I'll give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS," he stated.

　　"No, No! Get away from me!" "TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS," he offered. She paused to think about it, but then came to her senses and said, "I told you NO!" Seriously, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he exclaimed.

　　She thought, 'Well he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and $500 IS a lot of money'.... "Well... OK... but only for a minute." So she loosened her top and while both were standingthere on the beach, he slid his hands underneath her top and

　　began to caress. Suddenly he started saying over and over again, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD..." while he continued caressing them.

　　Although anticipating her cash award, out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my God, Oh my God?'" While continuing to feel her breasts, he answered, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"

　　有關經典英語笑話：Ear Problem

　　An 89 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office.

　　As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked:-

　　"Yes sir, how may I help you?"

　　"There's something wrong with my penis", he replied.

　　The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

　　"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you", he said.

　　"Because," replies the receptionist.

　　"You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

　　The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

　　The receptionist smiled smugly and asked:- "Yes?"

　　"There's something wrong with my ear" he stated.

　　The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled knowing he had taken her advice.

　　"And what is wrong with your ear sir?"

　　"I can't piss out of it", the man replied.