英語冷笑話帶中文翻譯

　　笑話可能只是文字遊戲,但有時它在人們解決生活中的困惑時起著重要作用。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：長壽祕訣

　　A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

　　一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

　　"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.

　　“我無意中發現，你是多麼幸福，”那女士說。

　　"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

　　“你幸福而長壽的祕密是什麼?”

　　"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

　　“我每天抽三包煙，每週喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛鍊。”

　　"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman.

　　“哦，真神奇，”女士說。

　　"How old are you?"

　　“你高壽?”

　　"Twenty-six."

　　“二十六。”

　　：控制女人的男人

　　Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God comes and says "I want the men to make twolines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the menthat were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

　　世上的每一個人都上了天堂 神說 :" 要男人分成兩隊 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成一隊 , 跟著聖彼德去 ."

　　Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 mileslong,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

　　隊伍列好後 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里長 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,僅有一人 .

　　God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my imageand you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up andmade me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one onthat line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

　　神生氣的說 :" 你們男人應該感到羞恥 ,我按照自己的形象創造了你們 ,而你們被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的兒子 ,站著使我驕傲 . 你們應該向他學習 .告訴他們 , 兒子 ,你如何成為唯一站在這一隊上的 ?"這男子回說 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在這的 !"

　　：豬還是女巫

　　A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.

　　一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。

　　As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"

　　他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬!!”

　　The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH***女巫***!!"

　　那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫!!”

　　They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pigin the middle of the road.

　　他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。

　　If only men would listen.

　　要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。

　　：The World's Greatest Swordsman

　　世界上最偉大的擊劍手

　　At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

　　在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。

　　His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

　　他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來——然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

　　"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

　　“你為什麼這麼高興?”有人嚷道，“你沒擊中!”

　　"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

　　“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的——但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。”