高一水平幽默英語笑話

　　笑話是日常生活中人們消遣娛樂的一種常見語言現象,其目的在於在會話過程中傳遞和激發幽默感。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　： No Balls

　　A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.

　　"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

　　"Did you see any active duty?"

　　"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

　　"May I ask what happened?"

　　"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

　　"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

　　"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

　　"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

　　：Rosebuds

　　A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

　　The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You got let yourrosebuds show!" and out she goes.

　　The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

　　She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...

　　The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging rose garden."

　　：Nigger

　　There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the shit out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 niggers.

　　：Now Hiring

　　The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two finalapplicants -- one of which would get the job.

　　The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

　　Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, anddecided, there and then, to hire him.

　　He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.

　　Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."

　　Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"

　　"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."

　　"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"

　　"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"

　　Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

　　：Man Takes Viagra Too Early

　　This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect", she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.

　　An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but his wife isn't home yet. He calls her on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man,frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.

　　"What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have ahousekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."