讓人噴飯的英語笑話大全

　　笑話是日常生活中常見的一種幽默。與一般日常會話不同,笑話刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會話含意,並利用會話含意之間的衝突實現其預定功能。本文是讓人噴飯的英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　讓人噴飯的英語笑話：When Enemy Soldiers Come at You 當敵兵襲擊你時

　　The first sergeant was holding a class on combat for his company. He said, "Jose, what would you do if you saw 700 enemy soldiers coming at you?"

　　Jose said, "I would shoot them all with my rifle."

　　The sergeant asked, "On the fight you see 400 enemy soldiers charging at you. What would you do?"

　　Jose said, "I would shoot them with my rifle."

　　The sergeant continued, "Okay! On your left, Jose, you notice 1,000 enemy soldiers heading straight at you. What would you do?"

　　Jose answered. "I would shoot them all with my rifle."

　　The sergeant yelled, "Just a minute, Jose. Where are you getting all those bullets?"

　　The soldier smiled and said, "Where are you getting all those enemy soldiers in the same place?"

　　警官正在給他的連隊上一堂戰鬥課，他問：“約瑟，假如你看到有700名敵兵正朝你衝過來，你會怎麼辦?“

　　約瑟說：“我會用我的槍打死他們。”

　　警官問：“你看到你的右方有400名敵兵正向你撲過來，你會怎麼辦?”

　　約瑟說：“我會用我的槍打死他們。”

　　警官繼續說：“很好，約瑟，你注意到你的左方有1,000名敵兵正直衝你奔來，你會怎麼辦?”

　　約瑟又回答：“我會用我的槍打死他們。”

　　警官大叫：“稍等，約瑟，你是從哪裡得到這些子彈的?”

　　士兵笑了笑，說道：“您在同一個地方從哪裡把這些敵兵調集來的呢?”

　　讓人噴飯的英語笑話：A Welcome Guest 受歡迎的聽眾

　　One afternoon while I was talking to a professor, my two-year-old daughter Melissa, wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and, to my dismay, Melissa sat down in the front row.

　　When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady," he said, "I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone come to my class just because he or she wanted to. The child may stay."

　　一天下午，在我和一位教授說話的時候，我兩歲的女兒瑪麗莎轉到了附近的一個教室裡。那兒正在上數學課。更糟的是瑪麗莎還居然坐在了前排的座位上。

　　當我走進去想把她抱出來時，上課的教授攔住了我。她說：“這位女士，我在這所大學裡已經教了20多年的微積分。在這期間從未有人是出於自願來到我的課堂，這個孩子可以呆在這裡。”

　　讓人噴飯的英語笑話：Friends of a feather 禽以毛聚

　　An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty was roast duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table: "This is the breast of the duck. This is the leg of the duck. This is the wing of the duck…"

　　Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for an explanation. Silence.

　　"Well," he finally asked, "What is this?"

　　"It's a friend of the duck," said the waiter.

　　一個美國的遊客來到中國，他到了一家專營烤鴨的飯店進餐。服務員每次端上來一道菜都給他報上菜名：“這是鴨胸，這是鴨腿，這是鴨翅……”

　　這時又上的一個菜，那個美國人一看便知是雞，但他想聽聽服務員會怎麼報這個菜名。他等著，服務員卻一個字也沒說。

　　“唉!”他終於忍不住了，“這個菜叫什麼?”

　　“這是鴨的朋友。”服務員答道。

　　讓人噴飯的英語笑話：True feelings 真情

　　We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.

　　My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"

　　"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

　　我們和一大群人在橄欖球比賽散場時紛紛撤離比賽場。

　　我那位從未在大庭廣眾之下流露感情的丈夫這時拉住了我的手，我非常高興。當我們手拉手往體育場外走時，我抬著頭看著他並笑著問：“你不想失去我，對嗎?”

　　丈夫回答道：“不是，我只是不想去找你。”