關於爆笑的英文笑話大全笑死人

　　近些年,冷笑話作為一種特殊的幽默方式在網際網路、電視節目、書籍雜誌上廣泛流傳。本文是關於爆笑的英文笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　關於爆笑的英文笑話：Men Super Store

　　Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

　　The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

　　First floor

　　The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

　　Second floor

　　The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

　　Third floor

　　This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

　　"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

　　Fourth floor

　　This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."

　　"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

　　Fifth floor

　　The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

　　關於爆笑的英文笑話：Get Me The Manager

　　A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.

　　"Are you the owner?"

　　she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands."No" he replies, "I''m just the manager."

　　"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him."

　　She asks, running her hands up beyond his ears andinto his hair.

　　"I''m afraid I can''t," breathes the manager clearly aroused," he''s in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

　　"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

　　She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

　　"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

　　關於爆笑的英文笑話：Married For The Money

　　Jack's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him.

　　After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!

　　Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, hedecided to confront her.

　　'Diane,' he said, 'the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died'

　　'Don't be ridiculous,' she replied, 'I donםt care where your money came from!'

　　關於爆笑的英文笑話：Different Father

　　A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

　　The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the

　　eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes, yes he did."

　　The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife

　　was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

　　Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first

　　as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You".

　　關於爆笑的英文笑話：Pinching

　　As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly

　　furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a

　　gorgeous young blonde woman.

　　As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly

　　whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, 'That will teach you to

　　pinch!'

　　Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his

　　wife when he choked, 'I . . . I didn't pinch that girl.'

　　'Of course you didn't,' replied his wife, consolingly. 'I did.'