關於簡短的有趣的英語笑話

　　笑話能反映出一個民族的價值系統及其對周圍世界肯定和否定的態度。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：Speeding

　　Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

　　Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

　　The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

　　"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

　　"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

　　"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

　　"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119

　　：Don't Disgrace your Family

　　There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

　　Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

　　She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

　　Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

　　With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

　　The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

　　She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

　　：Death Row

　　A chemist, a biologist, and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting for the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.

　　"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.

　　"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch, and nothing happened.

　　Under state law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner has to be released, so the chemist was released.

　　Then the biologist was brought forward.

　　"Do you have anything you want to say?"

　　"No, just get on with it."

　　The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.

　　Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.

　　"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.

　　"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

　　：All Day

　　Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

　　Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

　　An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrivalwill be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

　　A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

　　：Two Blonde Men

　　Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit."

　　The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit."

　　The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

　　The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

　　He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.

　　His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

　　The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"