中英文對照笑話

　　笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆。與此同時,笑話也是人們反對極權和專制制度的有力武器。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：Clarinet

　　When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. Acellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consignedto the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.

　　He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.

　　單簧管

　　我在一個交響樂團演奏時，我們樂團與一家大航空公司達成協議，哪些樂器可以帶上飛機，哪些樂器要作為行李託運。一個大提琴手驚愕地發現他那精緻、昂貴的木質樂器竟要託運，經受行李艙內的低溫以及野蠻的裝缷。

　　他乾淨利落地解決了這個問題。他手裡拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐跟前，問道：“我可以將我單簧管帶上飛機嗎?”她檢視了一下單子，答道，“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然後微笑著揮手讓他進去了。

　　：A Mistake

　　An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

　　"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

　　"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

　　"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

　　搞錯了

　　一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。“每人給我五百美元，”他說，“我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。”

　　“成交!”美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。

　　“其他人在哪兒?”一名醫生問道。

　　“我離開之前，”那名美國人說，“我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。”

　　：Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

　　A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

　　For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

　　In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaningin pain. There was no sign of the lion.

　　"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

　　"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

　　偉大的獵手Jonesie

　　有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這隻野獸。

　　獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。

　　半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。

　　“Jonesie，怎麼了?獅子在哪?”村長問。

　　“哪有獅子!”獵人怒吼道，“哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了?”

　　：The World's Greatest Swordsman

　　At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

　　His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

　　"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

　　"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

　　世界上最偉大的擊劍手

　　在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。

　　他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來--然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

　　“你為什麼這麼高興?”有人嚷道，“你沒擊中!”

　　“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的--但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。”