英文笑話短文

　　1***TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 湯姆的藉口 老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到? 湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。" DID YOUR DAD...

2***Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could ***bear***!" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!" 吉姆說:"你媽媽能!" 附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.

3***Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could ***bear***!" 湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!" 吉姆說:"你媽媽能!" 附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點

. 4***A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

5***Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店裡買一盒好用的火柴。湯米回來後，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎?” “是的，媽媽。”湯米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”

6*** think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 開車 父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。 蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你後面的警察也這麼轉了。

7***Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆。”他回答說。“你真是一個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說. “再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?” “她是個賣糖果的。”

8***Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜裡 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，“發生了什麼事?” “一個男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡說。 “再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。 “他走到哪裡我都能認出他，”伊凡說，“他的耳朵還在我的衣兜裡。”

9***Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩隻鳥 老師： 這兒有兩隻鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪隻是燕子，哪隻是麻雀嗎? 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。