趣味幽默英語笑話

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今，笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：節食族

　　Mom was very proud that she'd lost ten pounds. On the way to the store with my husband and me she talked of little else. We dropped her off in the lingerie department, but when we returned, we couldn't find her. Thinking she might be in the fitting room, I asked the saleswoman if she had seen my mother. “What does she look like?” the clerk asked.

　　My husband said simply, “She just lost ten pounds.

　　”Third door on the left.“ the woman replied with a smile.

　　媽媽為她減肥十磅而非常自豪。在和我們小兩口一起去商場的路上，她別無所談。我們把她送到女內衣部，在那兒分手，但當我們回來找她時，卻找不見她。我想她也許會在試衣室，就問售貨員是否見過我母親。”她長得什麼樣?“這位職員問。

　　我丈夫直截了當地說：”她剛減了十磅。“

　　”左邊第三個門，“女售貨員笑眯眯地回答。

　　：長生不老

　　A man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle.

　　Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure.

　　Then, when he had a big crowd, the man held up a very small bottle.

　　“And now, ladies and gentlemen, ” he shouted. “here is the medicine you have been waiting for. The cure for old age. Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever.”

　　“And, ladies and gentlemen,” the man continued, “I'm not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I'm not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I'm not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever.”

　　Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this.

　　One person shouted, “if it will make you live forever, why don't you drink it?”

　　Then another person cried , “Yes, you look as if you're at least sixty years old. ”

　　“Thank you, sir, thank you,” the man replied, “I'm so glad you said that. My real age is three hundred and twenty nine. ”

　　The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man. One of them spoke to the man's assistant as she passed by. “Is that true,” he asked, “that he's three hundred and twenty-nine?”

　　“Don't ask me,” the assistant said, “I've only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years.”

　　一人在集市賣藥。起先他賣一美元一瓶的治感冒的藥。

　　很多人想買藥，那人的年輕助手迅速穿行於人群中，一邊收錢，一邊遞藥。

　　然後當圍觀的人多起來時，那人舉起一個小瓶子。

　　“聽著，女士們，先生們，”那人喊道，“這就是你們一直想要的藥。

　　消除衰老的藥。只吃一瓶，就會長生不老。”

　　“女士們，先生們，”那人接著說道，“對這種神奇的藥，我不打算賣一瓶100美元。我不打算賣一瓶50美元，我也不打算賣一瓶25美元。我只打算賣一瓶10美元。想想吧，朋友們，只花10美元，你們就能長生不老。”

　　人群中大多數人不相信他的話。

　　一人喊道：“如果這藥能使人長生不老，你為什麼不吃?”

　　接著另一人叫道：“是哇，你看上去至少60歲。”

　　“謝謝，先生，謝謝，”那人回答，“我很高興你這麼說。我的實際年齡是329歲。”

　　聽到他的話，人群中發出一陣笑聲，但仍有幾個人願意相信他的話。其中一人當那個助手經過時問她，“他已329歲了，這是真的嗎?”他問。

　　“別問我，”助手說，“我只為他工作了150年。”