英語口語笑話

　　冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,也是一種出現在我們身邊的不可忽視的新的語言現象。冷笑話不同於一般笑話,它以其獨特的制笑機制,能瞬間創造出一種特殊的氛圍。下面是小編精心收集的，希望大家喜歡!

　　篇一

　　Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat name Edgar.

　　"Edgar is dead," Herbert answered.

　　James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous instructions about the pet's care. At the end of his first day away, James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?" he asked.

　　There was a pause. Then James said: "Herbert, you are insensitive. You know how close I was to Edgar-you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said Edgar's on the roof, but you've called the fire department to get him down. And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the firemen had done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar, and, oh, before I forget," James added, "How is mother?"

　　"Uh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She is on the roof."

　　郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母並養了一隻貓叫埃德加。

　　詹姆斯特別喜歡這隻貓。有一次他要外出幾天，臨行前不厭其煩地囑咐郝伯特照顧好這隻寵物。出門後的頭一天晚上，他打來電話詢問：“埃德加好嗎?”

　　“它死了，”郝伯格回答。

　　一陣沉默之後，詹姆斯說：“郝伯特，你太不善解人意了，你知道我與埃德加的關係有多麼好——你應該慢慢告訴我這驚人的訊息。當我問起埃德加今晚怎樣時，你應該說埃德加爬上了屋頂，但是你已經叫消防的救它下來。’我明天又給你打電話時，你應該說消防隊營救埃德加遇到了麻煩，但你相信他們會成功。在我第三天給你打電話時，你可以說消防隊員已盡了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德加從屋頂上掉了下來，現在正在獸醫那裡。在我最後一次給你打電話詢問，你可以說盡管對埃德加做了一切所能做的努力，它還是死了。這是顧及別人感情的人應該說的。哦，對了，我剛才忘了問你，”詹姆斯補充道，“媽媽怎麼樣了?”

　　“哦……”一陣沉默後郝伯特答道，“她上了屋頂。”

　　篇二

　　Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.

　　Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."

　　In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."

　　山姆的生命即將走到盡頭，他的子女們都站在床邊等著聽父親的遺言。

　　最後他開口說道：“孩子們，你們的母親和我結婚50多年了，他的烹飪手藝簡直棒極了。現在我還能聞到烤麵包的香味呢。薩拉，去給我拿一片吧。”

　　幾分鐘後，薩拉回到屋裡，“薩拉，” 父親問，“我讓你拿的麵包呢?”“媽媽說不能吃，這是為明天的葬禮準備的。”

　　篇三

　　Joe Schmidt, although very wealthy, was a tightwad.

　　One day he and his wife wanted to take a spin in an airplane over the city of New York.

　　The pilot said it would be 10 dollars a piece for a thirty-minute flight. "How about 10 dollars for both of us?" the stingy millionaire asked, "No way!" replied the pilot firmly. Schmidt pleaded earnestly with the pilot for quite a while. Since it was a slow day and there were not many customers, the pilot finally agreed. "Ok, I will take you and your wife for ten bucks on one condition: while in the air, you cannot make any noise. If I hear a peep out of you, that will cost you 20 dollars." Schmidt agreed reluctantly.

　　The plane took off without a hitch. Purposely, the pilot made somersaults***筋斗*** and all kinds of tricks, just to scare the guy, when the plane finally landed, the pilot askedcredulously: "I have got to hand it to you. I didn't know how you managed to be so quiet. " "It's wasn't easy," confessed the tightwad. "I almost hollered***叫喊，抱怨*** when my wife fell out."

　　喬·施密特雖然非常富有，卻是個不折不扣的吝嗇鬼。

　　一天，他和妻子打算乘飛機俯瞰全紐約。

　　飛行員每次飛行30分鐘，每人10美元。吝嗇鬼問道：“我們兩個人10美元怎麼樣?”“不行!”飛行員斬釘截鐵地回答道。施密特哀求了好一會兒。飛行員看當天生意不好，乘客也少，最終同意了他的請求。“好吧，你和你太太總共10美元，但條件是，在空中你們不能發出任何聲音，如果我聽見了你們當中有人出聲，那就得付20美元了。”施密特不情願的答應了。

　　飛機順利起飛了，飛機駕駛員在空中翻跟斗，做出各種花樣故意嚇唬施密特。飛機著陸後，飛行員不解地問道，：“你真是太厲害了，你怎麼能一直保持安靜呢?”“其實要做到這點真的很難，當我老婆掉下飛機時，我差點就喊出來了。”這個吝嗇鬼坦言道。

　　
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