讓人冷到不行的英語冷笑話

　　笑話是幽默的一個屬概念 ,具有幽默的一切特徵。笑話是民族特有幽默的一種形式。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　Where Do You keep Yours?

　　你的東西放到哪兒去了?

　　The famous but rather aged, doctor was making his rounds, followed by a young intern.

　　一位上了年紀的著名醫生正在各病房做例行巡視，一位年輕的實習醫生跟著他。

　　Suddenly the intern noticed something peculiar.

　　突然那名實習醫生注意到一件怪事。

　　"Say, doctor, are you aware that you have a suppository behind your ear?"

　　“醫師先生，您有沒發現您耳朵放了一支栓劑呢?"

　　"Oh, shit!" exclaimed the eminent practitioner.

　　“喔!真是糟糕!”那位名醫說道。

　　"Do you know what this means?"

　　“你知道那表示什麼嗎?”

　　"What?"

　　“什麼呢?”

　　"Some asshole has got my pen!"

　　“我把我的鋼筆塞到某一位病人的屁股裡面去了!”

　　篇二

　　Play Now Pay Later

　　先享受後付款

　　Jack the playboy had explored every corner of the world and dallied with many women,

　　花花公子傑克喜歡到世界各地探險，和許多妓女風流，

　　but in Hong Kong he finally encountered a professional girl who left him with far more thanfond memories.

　　但在香港，他終於遇到一名職業神女，這名神女留給他的不止是溫柔的回憶而已。

　　First, he consulted a British doctor.

　　首先他請教了一名英國醫生。

　　"Good Lord!" exclaimed the medic,

　　“我的天啊!”醫生叫道，

　　"you've got more venereal diseases than a medical textbook. I'm afraid we' re going to have toamputate. "

　　“你所患的性病比一本醫學教科書還要豐富，恐怕我們必須把你的東西切除掉。”

　　Horrified, the playboy sought out an American specialist, who shook his head gravely and said,

　　花花公子心生恐懼，便找了一位美國專科醫師幫忙，但那名專科醫師表情凝重地搖頭說：

　　"Sorry, son; if we don't amputate your member, the disease will spread to your other organs. "

　　“對不起，小兄弟，如果我們不切除那活兒，病毒將會感染到其他器官。”

　　Desperately, the swinger consulted a Chinese herbalist.

　　那名風流公子走投無路，便向一位中醫請教。

　　The wise old man examined the patient carefully and nodded his head sagely.

　　這位充滿智慧的老先生仔細檢查病人後煞有介事地點頭說道：

　　"I know your problem," he said. "You play with bad girl, she very sick, now you very sick. "

　　“我知道你的問題。你和壞女人亂搞，她的性病很嚴重，你現在的病情也很嚴重。

　　“Doctor, the British and American doctors told me my pride and joy would have to be cut off... "

　　“大夫，英國和美國的醫生都說我的東西必須要切除……”

　　"These Western doctors, all they want to do is cut, cut, cut, and charge big money. "

　　“這些西醫所做的就是切，切，切，然後收一大筆錢。”

　　"You mean I don't need surgery? ! " exclaimed the young man joyously.

　　“你意思是我可以不用動外科手術?!”年輕人喜出望外地問道。

　　"Don't you worry, " said the ancient practitioner.

　　“別擔心，”老中醫師說：

　　"You go home, relax, wait two, three weeks, pecker fall off by himself."

　　“回家去，好好休息一陣，等二三個星期後，那活兒會自己掉下來。”

　　篇三

　　We're in the Same Boat

　　同病相憐

　　The young man was terribly self-conscious because he had a wooden eye.

　　一位年輕人因為他有隻木製的眼睛而感到非常自卑。

　　His friends would often invite him to dance parties,

　　他的朋友常會邀請他參加舞會，

　　but he could never work up the courage to ask a girl to dance.

　　但他從沒能鼓起勇氣邀請女孩子跳舞。

　　But then, one evening, he spotted a girl With a wooden leg sitting sadly by herself.

　　有一晚，他卻不經意看見一位裝了一隻木製義肢的女孩獨自傷心地坐在角落。

　　Apprehensively, he walked up to her and asked,

　　他很謹慎地走向她問道：

　　"Would you like to dance?"

　　“你要不要跳舞呀?”

　　"Would I? ! " she exclaimed.

　　“我要不要? ”她驚叫。

　　"Oh, yeah? Well, you've got a wooden leg!"

　　“哦，怎麼了?你有一隻木製的義肢***而我有一隻木製的假眼，咱們應是天生的一對嘛!***。”

　　篇四

　　And Modest Too

　　也要謙虛為懷

　　"The man I marry must be as wise as Solomon,

　　“我要結婚的物件必須要像所羅門王一樣聰明，

　　as mighty as Hercules,

　　像赫克力士一樣強壯，

　　as brave as Admiral Nelson,

　　像納爾遜上將一樣英勇，

　　and as graceful as Nureyev. "

　　並和蘇聯芭蕾舞蹈家諾瑞耶夫一樣優雅。”

　　"How fortunate we met! "

　　“很幸運能見到你!”

　　篇五

　　It's the Law

　　這是個法律問題

　　A slender, delicate, immaculately dressed Englishman was explaining to the visiting American about British law.

　　一位身材修長，舉止文雅，穿著光鮮的英國人向來訪的美國人解釋英國法律。

　　"You know, homosexuality was once considered so heinous in Britain that it was punishable by execution.

　　“你知道嗎?在英國，同性戀從前被認為是罪大惡極，可判處極刑，

　　Only 100 years ago, it was reduced to a misdemeanor,

　　一百年前，被減為行為失檢之輕微罪刑。

　　and about 50 years ago, decriminalized altogether...

　　大約五十年前則完全不觸犯刑法……。

　　Personally, I shan't be satisfied till it's mandatory! "

　　不過就我個人而言，非要等到法令強制大家都得同性戀時，我才會開心。”