關於幽默英語短篇文章

　　隨著經濟活動的全球化，英語日益成為國際交往的重要工具，英語教育的低齡化使幼兒園英語教育逐漸成為教育界的一個熱點話題。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：A Fall Into the Pit,Not Gain In the Wit ***吃一塹，不長一智***

　　A policeman escorted***押送，護送*** a habitual criminal passing by a mountain village. Seeing contain sundries store at village end, the recidivist***慣犯*** put forward to buy a of pack cigarette. The policeman pondered ***長時間考慮，深思*** seized the chance to escape last time like so. Hum, Cut it out***少來這一套***. Therefore he said to the prisoner:" You wait here, I go to buy." While coming back, he found the repeater***慣犯*** missing still.

　　一個警察押著一個慣犯來到一個小山村。見村頭有家雜貨店，犯人提出要進去買包香菸。警察想：你上次就是這樣藉機逃跑的，哼，少來這一套。於是，他對犯人說：“你在這等著，我進去買。”回來時，犯人還是不見了。

　　：Boss's idea 老闆的主意

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　由於我的印表機不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說我的印表機也許只是需要清理一下。

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　他還說，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試著清理。

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discouragebusiness?"

　　當時我真的被他的話感動了，就問他：“你們老闆知道你這樣拒絕生意麼?”

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　“事實上，這就是我們老闆的主意，”僱員答道：“因為如果我們讓使用者先自行修理印表機的話就能掙更多的錢。”

　　：迪斯尼之旅

　　On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devotedourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

　　弗羅裡達州的迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅遊，我們全身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之後，我們要回家了。

　　As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Good-by, Mickey."

　　當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮手說："再見，美奇。"

　　Our daughter waved and said, "Good-by, Minnie."

　　女兒揮著手說，"再見，美妮。"

　　My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Good-by, Money."

　　丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道："再見，美元。"

　　：A blind date 相親

　　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.

　　和相親物件呆了一晚上後，男人再也受不了了。

　　Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.

　　他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。

　　When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

　　當他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的訊息，我的祖父剛剛去世了。”

　　"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　　“謝天謝地!”他的約會物件說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

　　：The Same Action Yields the Same Result

　　A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest,and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind."

　　Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

　　同樣的行為，同樣的結果

　　有兩個獵人包機前往一座森林，到了以後，他們和飛行員約定好兩週後來接。兩週後，他們射了許多動物，而且打算把這些動物全部搬上那架小飛機，可是飛行員說：「這架飛機除了一頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。

　　你們必須把其他的獵物都留下。」獵人說：「但是去年另一個飛行員開一樣的飛機，就讓我們帶兩隻水牛，還有一些其他的動物上機!」因為他們這樣抗議，所以那個新飛行員想了一想後，儘管還是有點存疑，最後還是妥協說：「好吧!如果去年可以做到，今年應該也可以。」所以他裝了兩頭水牛和一些其他的動物。結果飛機起飛五分鐘後，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個人從飛機爬出來看四周，其中一個獵人對另一個說：「你認為我們現在在哪兒?」那個人瞧了一下，說：「我想大概距離去年墜機的地方西邊一英哩遠!」