關於簡單爆笑英語笑話大全

　　冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語言現象,它輕鬆詼諧、別具一格,給我們緊張的生活增添了幾分輕鬆的情趣,它一出現便受到了大多數人的喜愛。小編精心收集了關於簡單爆笑英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　關於簡單爆笑英語笑話：New And Improved Barbie!

　　Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors ***half-frames too!***, neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

　　Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

　　Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

　　Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

　　Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

　　No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

　　Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

　　Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo ***her personal trainer***is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

　　Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

　　Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

　　Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

　　關於簡單爆笑英語笑話：Who Was More Drunk?

　　Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

　　The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

　　The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

　　The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

　　The room was silent for a moment.

　　Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my Dog!!"

　　關於簡單爆笑英語笑話：One-Liners Of Women

　　Why did God give men penises?

　　So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

　　How is a woman like a laxative?

　　They both irritate the shit out of you.

　　What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?

　　A woman that won't do what she's told.

　　What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?

　　Marriage.

　　Why are hangovers better than women?

　　Hangovers will go away.

　　What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?

　　Its Braille for "suck here".

　　Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?

　　Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

　　What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?

　　Her navel.

　　Why do men die before their wives?

　　They want to.

　　Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

　　He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

　　What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?

　　Lipstick.

　　What's a wife?

　　An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

　　Why do women have tits?

　　So men will talk to them.

　　Why do women close their eyes during sex?

　　They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

　　What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

　　Money.

　　What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

　　You can unscrew a light bulb.

　　Why do women have periods?

　　They deserve them.

　　Why did God make man first?

　　He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

　　If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?

　　Made her chain too long.

　　Why was the woman crossing the road?

　　Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?

　　How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

　　None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

　　What's the difference between your wife and your job?

　　After 5 years your job will still suck.

　　Why can't you trust woman?

　　How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.