爆笑英語笑話精選

　　你聽到一個很好笑的笑話，很快便忘記，但是你聽到一個悲劇，卻會記著很久。悲哀總是比較刻骨銘心，夢也一樣。本文是爆笑英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　爆笑英語笑話：Favorite Cookies

　　An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

　　一位瀕臨死亡的老人正躺在他的床上，承受著死亡的煎熬。突然一股香味順著樓下飄了上來，那正是他最喜歡的巧克力小薄餅的味道。他用盡吃奶的力氣掙扎著從床上爬了起來，倚著牆，慢慢地走出了臥室，並且用最後的力量用雙手抓住扶手走下了樓梯。老人靠在門框上，嘴裡喘著氣，眼睛凝神著廚房。

　　Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

　　如果不是因為承受著臨死的痛苦，老人會認為自己到了天堂。那裡，在廚房鋪著報紙的桌子上，確切地說有數百個他最喜歡吃的巧克力小薄餅。真在天堂嗎?還是他那離婚妻子的最後一次英雄般的愛心顯示，以便讓他開心地離開這個世界?

　　Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

　　集中最後的力量，老人跪著雙膝掙扎著移向桌子。他口乾舌燥，嘴巴張開。他感受到了美妙的甜餅味道，彷彿要將他帶回人世。他的一隻年邁乾癟的手顫顫悠悠地伸向桌子邊緣的一隻小甜餅。突然，他妻子扔過一把鏟子，砸在他的手上。

　　Stay out of those, she said, they're for the funeral.

　　“離遠點”，他妻子說。“這是為你的葬禮準備的。”

　　爆笑英語笑話：Your Coat Is on Fire

　　The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them tocount fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important. Thenext day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lipsmoving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Yourcoat is on fire, sir!

　　老師為了讓學生記住先思考後發言，告訴他們在說出重要事情之前先數到50，如果是特別重要的事情，要先數到100。 第二天，當老師背靠著火爐講課時，發現好幾個學生的嘴脣在很快地不停地動。突然，全班學生一起喊道：“九十八，九十九，一百。老師，您的大衣著火了!”

　　爆笑英語笑話：Class, Lass and Ass

　　班級、情人和蠢驢

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day,so he wrote some words on theblackboard which read as follows: Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow.

　　湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。

　　A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked upand erased the c in the word class. The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walkedback, looked at the student, then at the notice with the c erased--calmly walked up and erasedthe l in lass, looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　一位學生看到這條通知後，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，將意思變為“湯姆教授明天將和情婦見面”。教授聽到笑聲，轉過身走回來，看那位學生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，將意思改為“湯姆教授明天將和蠢驢見面”。看那位目瞪口呆的學生，教授揚長而去。