幽默英語小故事16篇笑死人的

　　在小學英語教學期間,英語小故事能夠為學生的學習提供良好的背景。幽默英語小故事有哪些呢?本文是小編整理的幽默英語小故事16篇，歡迎閱讀。

　　幽默英語小故事1.

　　Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

         慎重許願

　　一對結婚25週年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

　　慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

　　妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

　　接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

　　仙女拾起了魔術棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

　　幽默英語小故事2.

　　Wood Fire

　　One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."

　　"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"

　　森林之火

　　一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林裡的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。”

　　“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”

　　幽默英語小故事3.

　　Best Reward

　　A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

　　"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."

　　最好的獎賞

　　一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

　　“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”

　　幽默英語小故事4.

　　Napoleon Was Ill

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

　　"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

　　"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

　　"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　拿破崙病了

　　傑克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。

　　“他是個好孩子，”傑克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”

　　“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破崙什麼時候死的，他都不知道。”

　　“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”傑克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破崙病了都不知道。”

　　幽默英語小故事5.

　　He Was Only Wrong by Two

　　Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

　　One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."

　　Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

　　At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"

　　The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

　　The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

　　他的得數只比正確答案多二

　　傑克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。

　　有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：“那我最好先問問他幾個問題。”

　　然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。

　　最後院長說：“那麼，五乘七得多少?”

　　學生想了很久，然後回答說：“三十六。”

　　院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。”

　　幽默英語小故事6.

　　Real Play

　　When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."

　　逼真的戲劇

　　我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認為我自己是坐在家裡的沙發上，從電視上看到的。”

　　幽默英語小故事7.

　　A Fine Match

　　One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

　　The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

　　Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

　　勢均力敵

　　有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她衝出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點乳酪在裡面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。”

　　這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裡，但她沒有在碗櫥裡找到乳酪。她不想再回到商店裡去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜誌中剪下一幅乳酪的圖片放進了夾子。

　　令人稱奇的是，這畫有乳酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾裡乳酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!

　　幽默英語小故事8.

　　Gardening Gloves

　　For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."

　　Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

　　園藝手套

　　幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因為我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在幹園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什麼禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”

　　那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我開啟一看：裡面包著一雙園藝手套。

　　幽默英語小故事9.

　　Warning

　　Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

　　"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

　　提醒

　　我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。

　　“開什麼玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什麼費神打掃?”

　　幽默英語小故事10.

　　Ground Rules

　　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."

　　基本原則

　　位於吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：“我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看錶我並不介意。不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。”

　　幽默英語小故事11.

　　Midway Tactics

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

　　中間戰術

　　三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

　　右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”

　　左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”

　　中間的商人隨後準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“***處”。

　　幽默英語小故事12.

　　Very Pleased to Meet You

　　During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

　　One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

　　Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

　　Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

　　"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

　　"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

　　"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

　　在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

　　一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。”瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月裡一直通著信。

　　後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院裡。

　　瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”

　　“這裡只有親屬可以探望病人。”護士長說。

　　“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”

　　“很高興認識你，”護士長說，“我是他的母親。”

　　幽默英語小故事13.

　　Two Soldiers

　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

　　Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

　　Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

　　Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

　　George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

　　"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

　　軍營裡有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

　　比爾說：“有。”然後把信紙和信封給了喬治。

　　喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完後把信放進信封裡，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。

　　這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”

　　比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。

　　喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱裡，還有...”他停住了。

　　“你還要什麼?”比爾問。

　　喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

　　幽默英語小故事14.

　　Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　大五個月

　　第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

　　“你多大了?”軍醫問。

　　“十八，長官。”約翰說。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

　　約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

　　幽默英語小故事15.

　　West Point

　　My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

　　One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

　　父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉了轉，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學員。幾名遊客問新兵是否願意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。“好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什麼。”

　　一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否願意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什麼。”

　　幽默英語小故事16.

　　***6***Present for Girlfriend

　　At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

　　The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

　　送給女友的禮物

　　在一家珠寶店裡，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。

　　那名顧客想了一會兒，然後說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”