趣味英語幽默笑話

　　趣味的笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　1：

　　The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.

　　收師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時睡覺。一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人打瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好地教育他不要睡覺。

　　In a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise，" Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering" Be seated"，the minister shouted at the top of his voice，"All those who want to be with the devil，please rise. "

　　他低聲地對教徒們說:“想去天堂的人都站起來。”除打瞌睡的人外，每個人都站了起來。牧師說過請坐之後，高聲喊道:“下地獄的請站起來!”

　　Awaking with a start，the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit,”Well，sir," he said.,"I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲所驚醒，站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣地望著他。他說:“先生，我不知我們在選什麼，但看上去你和我是唯一的侯選人。”

　　2：

　　When the burglar broke into a seemingly empty room one night, a voice suddenly shattered the silence ;"I see you,and the saint sees you. "

　　一位竊賊一天夜裡闖進一個好像沒有人的空房子。突然寂靜中傳來一聲:“我看見你了，聖人也看見你了。”

　　The shaken thief took another tentative step.“I see you，”the voice said again:“and the saint sees you.“With that，the burglar shined his flashlight in the direction that the voice was coming from. There，in the circle of light，sat a parrot.

　　這位驚恐不安的賊又試圖再走一步，那個聲音又說:“我看見你了，聖人也看見你了。”聽到聲音，竊絨用手電照著聲音所傳來的方向。在那邊兒，一束燈光下坐著一隻鸚鵡。

　　"Dumb bird,!'the burglar uttered in relief.

　　“該死的鳥，”竊賊像鬆了口氣似地罵著。

　　"I see you，”the parrot repeated,”and the saint sees you. "

　　“我看見你了。”鸚鵡重複地叨嘮著:“聖人也看見你了。”

　　"Shut up，“the man snarled as he turned on a lamp， that's when he saw the menacing Doberman Pinscher sitting beside the parrot's perch，staring at him with glittering eyes.

　　“閉嘴，”竊賊邊開燈，邊喊叫著。這時他發現一條眼光咄咄逼人的構坐在鸚鵡旁。

　　" Sic' em，Saint,"squawked the parrot.

　　鸚鵡尖叫著:“聖人，撲呀!撲呀!”

　　3：

　　A father had four sons. One went to the big city,where he became a wealthy businessman，the other three remained in their home town. When their father passed away,the successful son was too busy to attend the funeral，but he told his brothers to spare no expense，since he would pay all the costs.

　　一位父親有四個兒子。一個兒子到了大城市成了一位富商，另外三個兒子留在了家鄉。當父親過世時，有錢的兒子太忙無法前來參加葬禮。但他吩咐其兄弟們，不要捨不得花錢，一切費用由他來支付。

　　Shortly thereafter，the wealthy son received an bill for $5,000 from the funeral director，which he paid. But every month afterward he got a bill for $27. Curious about this little item, he wrote to his brothers and asked the reason for the monthly charge.”You told us that we should spare no expense，“his brothers wrote back.“Since you said Dad would like to be in style，we rented him a tuxedo."

　　事隔不久，做富商的兒子從殯儀館主管那兒收到了一張5000美元的發票，他付了帳。從這以後，他每月都收到一張27美元的帳票。他對這筆微薄的開銷有點兒好奇，於是就寫信給其兄弟，想知道其中的原因。

　　他的兄弟們寫回信告訴他:“你告訴我們不必節省。既然你說爸爸的穿著要高稚脫俗，所以我們為他租了一套黑色禮服。”