有關於英語笑話演講短文

　　冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,伴隨著網路的普及它已經滲透到了青年群體的日常生活,偶爾爆出的一兩句冷笑話能使交流氛圍變得輕鬆愉悅,也能展示交談者的幽默和智慧。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：Pussy And Bitch

　　A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

　　She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.

　　He says "well, pussy and bitch".

　　She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."

　　He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.

　　Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"

　　He tells him...pussy and bitch.

　　Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."

　　"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"

　　"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."

　　：True Football Fan

　　Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".

　　I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."

　　"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

　　He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."

　　：A Lawyer's Priorities

　　Two lawyers were walking down Rodeo Drive, and saw a beatiful model walking towards them. "What a babe," one said, "I'd sure like to fuck her!"

　　"Really?" the other responded, "Out of what?"

　　：Visiting the Mall

　　An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

　　While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reversedirection.

　　：Ounces Of Brain For Sale

　　A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

　　"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

　　"Three dollars an ounce."

　　"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

　　"Four dollars an ounce."

　　"How much for lawyer brain?"

　　"$1,000 an ounce."

　　"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

　　"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"