適合高中生的英語笑話

　　笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆。與此同時,笑話也是人們反對極權和專制制度的有力武器。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：Asleep at the Office?

　　"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

　　"I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

　　"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a newparadigm!"

　　"Amen"

　　"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

　　"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

　　"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

　　"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

　　"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

　　"Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

　　：Church Mistakes

　　This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...

　　Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

　　Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

　　Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

　　For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

　　Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

　　Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

　　The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs... Julius Belzer.

　　This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

　　Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

　　This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

　　The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

　　Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

　　The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

　　Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

　　Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

　　The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

　　At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

　　During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

　　The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

　　The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

　　The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

　　The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11

　　Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

　　Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

　　Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

　　：How Much Will this Cost Me?

　　Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

　　Dentist: $100.00.

　　Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

　　Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

　　：Blow-up Doll

　　A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the clerk for an inflatable doll.

　　The clerk asks the man: "Would you like a male or female?"

　　He answers: "Female, please."

　　The Clerk asks: "Would you like Black or White?"

　　He answers: "White, please."

　　The Clerk asks: "Would you like Christian or Muslim?"

　　This question confused the man. After thinking for a while he replie: "What has religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"

　　The clerk answers: "Well, the Muslim doll blows itself up!"

　　：Blessing

　　A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.