趣味英語小笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

　　“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。”

　　：The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　“你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安?” 老師發問道。

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。”小女孩回答道。

　　：Another 40 Years to live

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

　　一名中年婦女心臟病突發被送到了醫院， 在手術檯上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 於是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。” 身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那麼多年，得好好對待自己，於是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然後還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術。 她甚至還請人到醫院裡面幫她頭髮給染了。 做完最後一個手術，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認出你來”。

　　：Snorer 瞌睡者

　　The preacher was vexed***生氣的*** because a certain member of his congregation***集會，聖會*** always fell asleep during the sermon.

　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

　　Awaking with a start***嚇一跳*** , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit***講道壇*** , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。

　　一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在佈道時睡覺。於是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐後，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”

　　打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什麼，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”

　　：Sharing the Apples 分蘋果

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

　　Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

　　媽媽給了哈里兩個蘋果，一個大一點，另一個小點兒。跟妹妹分著吃。媽媽說。

　　所以，哈里就把小個的給了妹妹，自己開始啃那個大個的。

　　哼，妹妹說，如果媽媽給了我，我會把大的給你，把小的留給自己的。

　　對呀，哈里說，你拿到的不就是小的嗎?還著什麼急呀?

　　：我希望您的麵包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand***使命，差事*** . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做麵包，需要把麵糰放在一個暖和點的地方使它發起來。我把面盆放在電熱褥裡，後來就出去幹別的活去了。等我回家時，發現兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫著：“親愛的媽媽，我希望您的麵包已經病好了。”

　　：Intelligent son 聰明的兒子

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

　　兒子回來後,父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

　　“我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫”“那你為什麼不拿回來呢?”

　　“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”