最經典英語幽默笑話大全

　　笑話和幽默的感染力,很大程度上依賴於修辭格的運用。把修辭格有意識地運用到笑話幽默的創作中去,能夠為人們提供更好的精神產品。下面是小編帶來的最經典英語幽默笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　最經典英語幽默笑話篇一

　　Hands off 不要動

　　A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her husband's business associates.

　　She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read:"Use these, I'll kill you."

　　When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and xiaogushi8 found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.

　　我的一位朋友為他丈夫舉辦了一次很重要的業務往來交往招待會。

　　他把客人用的毛巾、香皂都放在洗澡間。為了不讓她的小孩們先把這些東西用了，她在上面貼了張條子。上面寫著：用一下，我就殺了你們。

　　當客人們度過一個很愉快的晚上滿意而去後，她來到洗澡間，發現毛巾和香皂都無人用過…因為她貼的條子還在上面。

　　最經典英語幽默笑話篇二

　　True feelings 真情

　　We were leaving a football game in a throng1 of people.

　　My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"

　　"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

　　我們和一大群人在橄欖球比賽散場時紛紛撤離比賽場。

　　我那位從未在大庭廣眾之下流露感情的丈夫這時拉住了我的手，我非常高興。當我們手拉手往體育場外走時，我抬著頭看著他並笑著問：“你不想失去我，對嗎?”

　　丈夫回答道：“不是，我只是不想去找你。”

　　最經典英語幽默笑話篇三

　　A Welcome Guest 受歡迎的聽眾

　　One afternoon while I was talking to a professor, my two-year-old daughter Melissa, wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and, to my dismay, Melissa sat down in the front row.

　　When I went in to get her, the instructor1 stopped me. "Young lady," he said, "I have been teaching calculus2 at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone come to my class just because he or she wanted to. The child may stay."

　　一天下午，在我和一位教授說話的時候，我兩歲的女兒瑪麗莎轉到了附近的一個教室裡。那兒正在上數學課。更糟的是瑪麗莎還居然坐在了前排的座位上。

　　當我走進去想把她抱出來時，上課的教授攔住了我。她說：“這位女士，我在這所大學裡已經教了20多年的微積分。在這期間從未有人是出於自願來到我的課堂，這個孩子可以呆在這裡。”

　　最經典英語幽默笑話篇四

　　Friends of a feather 禽以毛聚

　　An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty1 was roast duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table: "This is the breast of the duck. This is the leg of the duck. This is the wing of the duck…"

　　Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for an explanation. Silence.

　　"Well," he finally asked, "What is this?"

　　"It's a friend of the duck," said the waiter.

　　一個美國的遊客來到中國，他到了一家專營烤鴨的飯店進餐。服務員每次端上來一道菜都給他報上菜名：“這是鴨胸，這是鴨腿，這是鴨翅……”

　　這時又上的一個菜，那個美國人一看便知是雞，但他想聽聽服務員會怎麼報這個菜名。他等著，服務員卻一個字也沒說。

　　“唉!”他終於忍不住了，“這個菜叫什麼?”

　　“這是鴨的朋友。”服務員答道。

　　最經典英語幽默笑話篇五

　　A Better Mailman 一個更好的郵遞員

　　I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.

　　One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled1 and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!

　　我當過很短時間的郵遞員。然而，我害怕狗，而且也有過不少麻煩。

　　有一天，我設法到一座大房子去遞送幾封信。我開始開啟門，這時，突然一隻很大的狗朝我跑來。它朝我嚎叫、咆哮著，因此我把信件扔在了柵欄上。那隻狗拾起那些信件，把信件帶進了大房子。比起我來講，那隻狗是個更好的郵遞員。