經典英語幽默笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　一：

　　The Climate of New Zealand

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　紐西蘭的氣候

　　老師：馬修，紐西蘭的氣候怎麼樣?

　　馬修：先生，那裡的天氣很冷。

　　老師：錯了。

　　馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

　　二：My Sister's Fingers

　　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　我妹妹的手指頭

　　老師：凱溫，這次你怎麼又遲到了?

　　凱溫：對不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個手指頭。

　　老師：怎麼沒有扎繃帶呀?

　　凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。

　　三：All Except the Music

　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"

　　"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

　　除了音樂

　　一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學生多瞭解一點優秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會。為了使這次活動能給大家留下更深的印象，她請大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來上汽車的時候，她問小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎?”

　　“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說，“除了音樂其它都很好。”

　　四：The plural Form of "Child"

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

　　Tom: Men.

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　Tom: Twins.

　　"孩子"的複數形式

　　老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個詞的複數形式是什麼?

　　湯姆：男人們。

　　五：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭論

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

　　The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

　　The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

　　Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

　　The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

　　The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

　　The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。

　　她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因為儘管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

　　那個小女孩說約拿***一位西伯來先知***就是被鯨魚吞掉的。

　　她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”

　　那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”

　　她的老師問：“那麼，假如約拿下了地獄怎麼辦?”

　　那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”

　　六：A Duel 決鬥

　　Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麼事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說，我向拉里挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

　　“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”

　　“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”