有關於經典英語笑話短文欣賞

　　笑話一般比較短小,喜劇性很強,普遍存在於人們的日常生活中。笑話的娛樂作用可以減輕人的心理壓力,促進身體健康。小編精心收集了有關於經典英語笑話短文，供大家欣賞學習!

　　有關於經典英語笑話短文：讓人崩潰的駕駛

　　A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned***醉酒的*** ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk***行李箱*** and a muffled***聽不清的*** voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

　　一個傢伙開車的時候警察追了上來。這個傢伙要開窗戶問警察：“怎麼了，警官?”

　　“沒事，我觀察到了你的安全駕駛技術，很高興你獲得了價值5000美元的安全駕駛獎。祝賀你!你認為你要拿這筆錢去做什麼?”

　　他想了一會說“哦，我覺得，我應該去考駕照”。

　　坐在副駕駛位的女士說"別在意他說的，他喝醉了酒說胡話呢.“

　　後面座位的傢伙說”我告訴你，偷來的車我們走不遠的。“

　　此時，行李箱出現了敲擊聲並傳出一個模糊不清的聲音：“我們穿過了邊境了嗎?”

　　有關於經典英語笑話短文：職業賭徒

　　During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

　　The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

　　The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

　　"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

　　The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

　　"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

　　"Like what?" asked the bartender.

　　"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

　　The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

　　So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

　　"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

　　The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

　　"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

　　"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

　　With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.

　　After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

　　The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

　　The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

　　The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

　　The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

　　經濟大蕭條時期。有一天，有個男人走進一家酒吧，對調酒師說：“調酒師，我想為在座的所有客人每人買一杯酒。”

　　調酒師說：“當然可以，不過現在正處於經濟蕭條時期，我需要先看到你帶有足夠的現金才行。”

　　那人從口袋裡掏出一大迭鈔票放到吧檯上。調酒師簡直不敢相信自己的眼睛，就問：“你這些錢都是從哪兒弄來的?”

　　“我是一個職業賭徒。”男士回答。

　　“這不可能。我的意思是，在***你贏的機會最多也就五五開，不是嗎?” 調酒師說。

　　“那當然，不過我只打我必贏的賭。”男士說。

　　“比如呢?”調酒師問道。

　　“唔，例如，我可以和你賭50美元：我能夠用自己的牙咬到自己的右眼睛。”他說。

　　調酒師想了一下，就說：“那就來吧!”

　　於是，那個人將他右邊的假眼摳了出來，用嘴咬了一下。

　　調酒師說聲“靠!我上當了!” ，就給了他50美元。

　　那陌生人又說道：“我會再給你一次機會的。我再和你賭50美元：我可以用我的牙咬到我的左眼。”

　　調酒師想了想說道：“哼!你又不是盲人，我的意思是說，我可是看著你走進這個酒吧的。這一把我和你賭定了!”

　　話剛出口，那傢伙就從嘴裡一把將假牙掰了下來，咬了左眼睛一下。

　　“靠!我又上當了!”調酒師幾乎是抗議地叫出聲來。

　　“這就是我贏了這麼多錢的辦法，小夥子!不過這次你也不用給我50元了，我只拿走一瓶威士忌就算了!”那人說道。

　　那個人拿了酒，就來到酒吧的後房，整個晚上的大部分時間都在和當地人打牌。

　　邊喝邊玩好幾個小時之後，那個人又搖搖晃晃地來到吧檯前，醉醺醺的樣子，都快站不住了，他對調酒師說：“小夥子，我再給你最後一個機會。我和你賭500美元：我可以用一隻腳站在這張吧檯上撒尿，我能夠把尿射到你身後酒架上的那個空瓶子裡，而且保證不灑一滴到瓶子外邊。”

　　調酒師再一次認真想了想：這傢伙現在就是用兩隻腳都站不直，更別說用一條腿了……於是說：“好!那你就開始吧。”

　　只見那人爬到吧檯上，來個金雞獨立，就開始撒尿。尿撒得到處都是：吧檯上、調酒師身上和他自己身上，就是沒有一滴尿到酒瓶裡去。

　　小夥子簡直開心死了，大笑著說：“老兄，這次你可欠我500塊錢了。”

　　那傢伙從吧檯上爬了下來，說：“沒問題。我剛和棋牌室裡的每個人都賭了一千塊錢，說我敢往你身上和吧檯上撒尿，並且還能讓你大笑!”

　　有關於經典英語笑話短文：往回跑了這麼遠

　　A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”

　　第一次世界大戰期間，一場大戰役正在進行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個小時後，一個士兵認定戰鬥對他來說變得太危險了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰場。步行了一個小時之後，他看見一個軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去?” “長官，我正儘可能遠地躲開我們身後正在進行的戰役，”士兵回答說。 “你知道我是誰嗎?”軍官生氣地對他說：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經往回跑了這麼遠了!”