高中水平的英語笑話大全

　　冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象，越來越受到大家的關注，尤其在網路、雜誌、微博、電影上十分盛行。小編分享高中水平的英語笑話，希望可以幫助大家!

　　高中水平的英語笑話：Catholic Dog

　　Muldoon, the farmer, lived alone in the countryside with his pet dog of many years. Eventually, his dog died of old age. Muldoon went to the parish priest.

　　"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature?"

　　Father Patrick replied, "Muldoon, I'm sorry to hear of your dog's death, but we can't be holding services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, and maybe they would do something for the animal."

　　Muldoon said, "Thank you, Father. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?"

　　The Father quickly responded, "Son! Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"

　　高中水平的英語笑話：The Pope

　　The pope receives a call from Frank Perdue one day. Frank says to the pope,"Holy Father, I have a great proposal I'd like you to consider. I would like to pay the Church one million dollars in return for your agreement to change the words of the Our Father from: '...give us our daily bread' to 'give us our daily CHICKEN'.

　　The pope says, "Frank that is an interesting offer, but no thanks."

　　Mr. Perdue comes back with, "OK how about 10 million bucks?" The pope says, "That really is quite an offer Frank, but I'm sorry I can't change the Lord's Prayer that easily!"

　　Finally, the chicken executive says, "John Paul, you drive a hard bargain, my final offer is $100 Million dollars to change the prayer to 'chicken'.

　　The pope replies, "Wow! Frank,I'll have to meet with my cardinals and bishops and then get back to you on this offer."

　　The next day the pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals and bishops. As the meeting comes to order he says, "Guys, I have received quite an offer, we have a chance to get $100 million dollars with which we could do a lot of good in this world.

　　However, the downside is we may lose the Wonder Bread account."

　　高中水平的英語笑話：Married Couple

　　On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven.

　　St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left.

　　The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?"

　　St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking some what bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."

　　"Great,"said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

　　St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

　　"What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple.

　　"COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

　　高中水平的英語笑話：Would You Give Up?

　　A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself: "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

　　A stranger walks up to him and whispers: "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

　　The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK."

　　And sinks the putt.

　　Two holes later he mumbles to himself: "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

　　The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

　　The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

　　Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

　　The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

　　As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am.

　　I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

　　"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."