少兒英語笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　：Another 40 Years to live

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

　　一名中年婦女心臟病突發被送到了醫院， 在手術檯上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 於是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。” 身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那麼多年，得好好對待自己，於是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然後還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術。 她甚至還請人到醫院裡面幫她頭髮給染了。 做完最後一個手術，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認出你來”。

　　：

　　In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

　　Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

　　When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

　　中學的時候，我對自己的高度非常敏感。

　　一次，一位救生員約我出去。事實上，我從未和他並肩站過，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此約會那晚，我拿出兩雙鞋，一雙高跟，一雙平跟。我安排哥哥去開門，讓他和救生員比比高度，再上樓告訴我應穿哪雙鞋。

　　門鈴響了，我在樓上等著。哥哥跑上樓告訴了我一個不幸的訊息：“你可以光著腳去約會。”

　　：Is he dying?

　　A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

　　Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

　　一個男人坐在酒吧裡痛哭流淚。一個朋友走進來問他為何如此傷心。那人哭著說：剛才醫生告訴我，在我的餘生裡都要吃這些藥片。

　　他的朋友很輕鬆地指出，許多人一輩子每天都要吃藥。當然，男人回答說：但是他只給了我十片。

　　：The blonde and the farmer

　　There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。

　　一個金髮女郎，是那麼噁心的黃色笑話她把頭髮染成紅色。笑話停了下來，她覺得很好，她在農村的一個搭車的星期六下午。而在這旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下車來把......。

　　：太晚了 It's Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一個醫科學生被要求說明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分鐘後，這個學生問教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手錶，說：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　：因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業好幾個月了。

　　最後他在一個瓷器店找到了一個工作。可是才幹了幾天，他就打爛了一個很大的花瓶。

　　經理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問：“那個花瓶值多少錢?”經理說：“值500美元。”他很高興地說：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終於有個穩定的工作啦。”

　　：我幹得怎麼樣 How did I do

　　A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開著警車第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一群閒逛的人，於是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這裡。”人們他幾眼，沒理他。他喊起來：“離開這裡，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎麼回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開了。

　　新警察對他第一次執行公務的結果很滿意，對老警察說：“我幹得怎麼樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　：我可以回家了

　　Now i can go home

　　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　　我 可 以 回 家 了

　　一天，放學以後，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就准許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板已被亂塗，他非常生氣地問：“誰塗的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見。”