初中英語幽默笑話大全

　　到目前為止，冷笑話並沒有引起學術界的廣泛關注，對其進行細緻且系統的研究寥寥可數。下面小編整理了，希望大家喜歡!

　　品析

　　您的大衣著火了 Your Coat Is on Fire

　　The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them tocount fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important. Thenext day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lipsmoving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Yourcoat is on fire, sir!

　　老師為了讓學生記住先思考後發言，告訴他們在說出重要事情之前先數到50，如果是特別重要的事情，要先數到100。 第二天，當老師背靠著火爐講課時，發現好幾個學生的嘴脣在很快地不停地動。突然，全班學生一起喊道：“九十八，九十九，一百。老師，您的大衣著火了!”

　　經典

　　Class, Lass and Ass

　　班級、情人和蠢驢

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day,so he wrote some words on theblackboard which read as follows: Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow.

　　湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。

　　A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked upand erased the c in the word class. The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walkedback, looked at the student, then at the notice with the c erased--calmly walked up and erasedthe l in lass, looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　一位學生看到這條通知後，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，將意思變為“湯姆教授明天將和情婦見面”。教授聽到笑聲，轉過身走回來，看那位學生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，將意思改為“湯姆教授明天將和蠢驢見面”。看那位目瞪口呆的學生，教授揚長而去。

　　關於

　　ope or Ox?

　　繩子還是公牛?

　　The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered," Iam out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirtyrope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home."

　　在監獄裡，一個人問新來的犯人為什麼被關進來。新來的犯人回答說：“我想我真是倒黴。幾天前我在街上走的時候，看到一根髒繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿起來帶了回家。”

　　"But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home."

　　“但是，撿一根繩子帶回家並不犯法啊!”

　　"I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice therewas an ox at the other end of that rope."

　　“我告訴過你我倒黴了吧?”那個人嘆了口氣，“麻煩的就是我沒有注意到繩子的那一頭還有一頭公牛。”

　　欣賞

　　Lifetime Warranty

　　終身保修

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin hed originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "Whats so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, It has a lifetime warranty.

　　在將母親下葬9個月後，當地殯儀館的一個客戶終於攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的價值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來，將屍體轉移到了那副新的鋼製棺材中。“這副棺材有什麼特別?”我問葬禮的承辦人。他回答說，“這種棺材終生保修。

　　品味

　　I Want Her to go Nuts

　　我要讓她發瘋

　　Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, Paint me with diamondearrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.

　　福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我帶著鑽石耳環、鑽石項鍊、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

　　But you're not wearing any of those things.

　　“但你現在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

　　I know, said Mrs. Flinders. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarryright away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry.

　　“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會立刻再婚。我要讓那個女人為尋找這些珠寶而發瘋

　　鑑賞

　　Three pastors

　　三個牧師的故事

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

　　三個南部的牧師在一家小餐館裡吃午飯。其中的一個說道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什麼都不能把它們趕走。”

　　Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away.

　　另外一位說：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經請人把整個地方用煙燻消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”

　　The third said, I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

　　第三個牧師說：“我為我那裡的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會的一員......從此一隻也沒有再回來過。”