最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話大全

　　笑話是日常生活中人們消遣娛樂的一種常見語言現象,其目的在於在會話過程中傳遞和激發幽默感。本文是最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

　　最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話：你納稅了嗎?

　　A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to reviewhis records.

　　一個神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂地和前來查帳的國稅局的稅務審計員交談。

　　At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.

　　審計員一度大聲地說，“Carelton先生，我們認為能在美國生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，

　　As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"

　　而作為一個美國公民，您也有納稅的義務。我們希望您能無比樂意地帶著微笑來納稅。”

　　"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."

　　“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我帶著錢來交稅呢!”

　　最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話：交通事故

　　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ...hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold.

　　有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。

　　Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him.

　　路旁的行人把他從車裡拉出來並喚醒他。

　　He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.

　　剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最後不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。

　　Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.

　　過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什麼要這麼恐怖的掙扎，

　　He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.

　　他說：“被撞之後我就什麼都不知道了，

　　I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

　　當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個s。”

　　最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話：機長的錄音

　　This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew ...

　　這是你們機長的聲音。

　　I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

　　請允許我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號航班從紐約飛往倫敦。

　　We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

　　我們此時在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。

　　"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "

　　如果你從飛機的右邊向窗外看去，你將會發現右側的兩個引擎都已經起火。

　　If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

　　如果你從左邊往外看，你就會看到那邊的機翼已經脫落了。

　　"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you.”

　　如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那麼你會看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個人正在朝你揮手。

　　That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

　　那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務員。這是一段錄音。

　　最搞笑最爆笑的英文笑話：相親

　　A guy gets set up on a blind dateand he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurantto make a good impression.

　　一個小夥子被安排去相親，為了能給女孩留一個好印象，他帶著她去了家收費昂貴的餐廳。

　　The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

　　服務生過來問他們要點些什麼菜。

　　The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu,shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette,with no regard to the price.

　　女孩開始點菜了，她幾乎點了選單上所有的東西，雞尾蝦、派、凱撒沙拉、龍蝦、柳橙可麗餅，完全不考慮價格。

　　The guy is getting very upset,as he never thought she would order so much.

　　小夥子變得很不安，他真沒想到女孩竟然會點這麼多菜。

　　She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks,"What do you suggest I wash it down with?"

　　這時她停下了，看著坐在對面的他，問，“你認為咱們該喝什麼酒水配這些菜呢?”

　　"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River"

　　“哦，親愛的，我覺得沒有什麼東西比密西西比河更合適了。”