幽默生活英語笑話

　　在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘記了放鬆自己。下面小編為大家帶來幽默生活英語笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　　：

　　Once upon a time a rich man and a poor tailor lived in the same house.The rich man lived upstairs and the poor tailor lived downstairs.

　　從前有一個富人和一個窮裁縫同住在一棟房。富人住樓上，窮裁縫住樓下。做衣服時裁縫喜歡唱歌。他唱了一首又一首。但富人喜歡多睡覺，歌聲打擾了他。

　　The tailor liked to sing when he made clothes. He sang one song after another. But the rich man liked to sleep a lot，and the singing both- erect him.

　　從前有一個富人和一個窮裁縫同住在一棟房。富人住樓上，窮裁縫住樓下。做衣服時裁縫喜歡唱歌。他唱了一首又一首。但富人喜歡多睡覺，歌聲打擾了他。

　　One day the rich man said，"Tailor, I will give you a bag full of money every day if you will stop singing.”

　　有一天富人說:“裁縫，如果你停止唱歌我會每天給你滿滿一袋錢。”

　　“Fine ,”said the tailor. And so the tailor stopped singing and be-came richer and richer. But the more money he got from the rich man,the more unhappy the became, because he wanted very much to sing again.

　　“很好，”裁縫說。因此裁縫停止了唱歌，而且變得越來越富有。但他從富人這裡得到的錢越多，他就越不快樂，因為他非常想再唱歌。

　　Finally he brought all his money back to the rich man.“Here ,”he said，"take your money. I cannot be happy們cannot sing.”

　　最後他把所有的錢還給了富人。“給你，”他說，“拿著你的錢。如果我不能唱歌，我是不會快樂的。”

　　And so he gave the money back to the rich man and went away singing. He sang and he sang and he was happier than ever before.

　　因此他把錢還給了富人，又開始歌唱了。他唱了又唱，他比以前更加快樂。

　　：

　　There was a small Kangaroo who was bad in school. He put thumb-tacks on the teach er's chair. He threw spitballs across the classroom.He set off firecrackers in the lavatory and spread glue on the doorknobs.

　　有一隻小袋鼠，他在學校裡很淘氣。他在老師的椅子上放圖釘，在教室裡扔紙團，在廁所裡放鞭炮，還在門把手上抹膠水。

　　A:You behavior is impossible } I am going to see your parents.I will tell them what a problem you are!

　　你的行為真讓人受不了!我要去見見你的父母，告訴他們你是多麼難以管教!

　　***The principal went to visit Mr. and Mrs. Kangaroo.He sat down in a living-r oom chair.

　　校長去拜訪袋鼠夫婦。他在客廳的椅子上坐下。***

　　A:Ouch!There is a thumbtack in this chair!

　　哎喲!這把椅子上有個圖釘!

　　B:Yes，I know，I enjoy putting thumbtacks in chairs.

　　是的，我知道，我喜歡把圖釘放在椅子上。

　　***A spitball hit the principal on his nose.

　　一個紙團飛過來打在校長的鼻子上。***

　　C:Forgive me，but I can never resist throwing those things.

　　請原諒，我控制不住總想扔那些東西。

　　*** There was a loud booming sound from the bathroom.

　　浴室裡傳來轟的一聲巨響。***

　　B:Keep calm，The firecrackers that we keep in the medicine chest have just exploded. We love the noise.

　　別緊張，我們放在藥箱裡的鞭炮爆炸了，我們喜歡這種聲音。

　　***The principal rushed for the front door. In an instant he was stuck to the door knob.

　　校長衝向前門，立刻被門把手給粘住了。***

　　B:Pull hard. There are little globs of glue on all of our doorknobs.

　　使勁兒拽，我們所有的門上都有點兒膠水。

　　***The principal pulled himself free. He dashed out of the house and ran off down the street.

　　校長掙脫開，衝出屋子，沿著街道跑走了。***

　　B:Such a nice person，I wonder why he left so quickly.

　　他真是個好人，我不明白他為什麼這麼快就走了。

　　C:No doubt he had another appointment. Never mind, supper is ready.

　　他準是還有個約會，沒關係，吃晚飯吧。

　　***Mr.and Mrs. Kangaroo and their son enjoyed their evening meal. Af-ter the dessert, they all threw spitballs at each other across the dining-room table.

　　袋鼠夫婦和兒子津津有味地共進了晚餐。吃完甜點後，他們在飯桌旁互相扔起紙團來。***

　　：

　　Joe was a professional boxer and the strongest man in Hiplace.You should have seen him carry his mother-in-low in his arms. All that times from Royal Bar, and there was no visible sign of effort on his face.The other day，or should I say the other night, Joe came home rather late, and as his wife Bess saw him, she almost fainted... His nose was like a squashed potato; he had a black eye，and his left ear war bleeding.

　　喬是職業拳擊手，也是海普拉斯最強壯的人。你應該看到過他從皇家酒吧一路把丈母孃抱回家而臉上好像若無其事的樣子。有一天，或者該說，有一天晚上喬回來得很晚。妻子貝思看到他，差一點昏了過去。他的鼻子像打爛了的土豆，眼睛周圍黑著，左耳血流不止。

　　A:You are in a shocking state, darling. What happened to you?

　　你的樣子太嚇人了，親愛的，發生了什麼事?

　　B:Nothing much to speak of, I had an argument with a chap who drank my beer.

　　沒什麼。有一個傢伙喝我的啤酒，我與他理論了一番。

　　A: What a rascal!Where are your muscles , my poor darling? I would like to lay my hands on that scoundreL.I would teach him a lesson...

　　真混!你的力氣都哪兒去了，可憐的人?我真想逮著那個惡棍，好好教訓教訓他……

　　B:Be quiet!That's not the way one should speak of a dead man.

　　別說了!用這種口氣說一個死了的人可不應該。