關於英語小笑話簡單爆笑

　　冷笑話作為言語幽默的一種,其研究雖不像幽默研究有著悠久歷史,但卻吸引了來自修辭學和語言學等領域學者們的注意。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　精選

　　我是司機

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus stillran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "youcan't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus."

　　out of breath 上氣不接下氣

　　我是司機

　　在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車後面，一位小個子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進。

　　“停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對小個子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必須追上，”小個子氣喘吁吁地說，“我是司機!”

　　【Exercises】

　　根據短文判斷下列句子正***T***、***F***：

　　① The young man who was running behind the bus was tall.

　　② The bus was half full of passengers.

　　③ The bus was running very fast.

　　④ The passenger bad pity on the young man.

　　⑤ The young man was the driver.

　　【參考答案】①F②F③T④T⑤T

　　閱讀

　　學小提琴的妙用

　　"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always askingfor things and her father was not very pleased.

　　"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, thendancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.

　　"I'll play every day ,Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.

　　"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks.At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have morelessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."

　　"0K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair."

　　He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was veryexpensive, but her father kept his promise.

　　The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.

　　She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.

　　"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin."

　　She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.

　　Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.

　　When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."

　　Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot ofmoney, but she still plays very badly. he said.

　　"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been ableto buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the wholebuilding!"

　　“爸爸，我能學拉小提琴嗎?”小莎拉問她的父親。她總是要東西，因此她爸爸很不高興。

　　“你花了我很多錢，莎拉，”他說，“開始你想學騎馬，然後想學跳舞，然後是游泳。現在又想學拉小提琴。”

　　“我會每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉說，“我會認真練的。”

　　“好吧，”她爸爸說。“下面是我要做的：我會為你付六個星期的小提琴課的錢，六個星期後你必須拉首曲子給我聽。如果你拉得很好，你可以繼續上小提琴課，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再學了。”

　　“行。爸爸，”莎拉說，“這很公平。”

　　他很快就找到了一個好的小提琴老師，莎拉就開始學拉提琴了。儘管學費很高，但她爸爸遵守了諾言。

　　六個星期很快就過去了。該莎拉拉提琴給爸爸聽了。

　　她走進起居室說：“我準備好拉提琴給你聽了。”

　　“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸說。“開始吧。”

　　她開始拉了。她拉得很差，發出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂著耳朵。

　　莎拉拉完一曲，她父親說：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以繼續學琴了。”

　　莎拉高興地跑出門去。她父親的朋友對他說：“你已經花了不少錢了，但她還是拉得很差。”

　　“噢，的確如此，”她爸爸說，“但自從她開始學小提琴，我就可以很便宜地買下這幢樓的五個公寓。再過六週，我就可以擁有整幢樓啦!”

　　學習

　　誰的兒子最偉大

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is amonsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello,Monsignor'."

　　The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say,'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello,Your Eminence'.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　　四位牧師的母親聚到一起談論她們的兒子。“我的兒子是個教士，”第一位母親自豪地說道，“他進入房間，人們都說，‘您好，閣下’。”

　　第二為母親說：“我的兒子是位主教。他進入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。”

　　“我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說，“他走進房間，人們都說，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說，“他要是走入房間，人們都說‘哦，我的上帝!’”