簡單的短篇英文笑話精選

　　在交際場合,能恰到好處地講個笑話或自創一個幽默,不僅可以體現自己的語言水平,還可以提升個人魅力。小編精心收集了簡單的短篇英文笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　簡單的短篇英文笑話：Free Drinks For Everybody

　　One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

　　The next night the same drunk comes in again, goes up to the bartender and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

　　On the third night he comes in, the drunk comes in a says, "Drinks all around, except for you bartender!"

　　"What, no drink for me?" asks the bartender.

　　"No way...you get violent when you drink."

　　簡單的短篇英文笑話：Biblical Signs

　　George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

　　George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

　　The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

　　George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Hey there! Aren't you Moses?"

　　The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

　　George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "HEY THERE! Aren't you Moses???"

　　The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes, I am."

　　George W., a bit peeved at this point then asked, "Why the cold shoulder?"

　　To which Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."

　　簡單的短篇英文笑話：Mr. Ferdinand's Lunch 費迪南德先生的午餐

　　One morning Mrs. Ferdinand said to her husband: "Roger, there's a meeting at Mrs. Young's house at lunch time today, and I want to go to it. I'll leave you some food for your lunch. Is that all right?" "Oh, yes." Her husband answered, "That's quite all right. What are you going to leave for my lunch?"

　　"This tin of fish," Mrs. Ferdinand said, "and there are some cold, boiled potatoes and somebeans here, too."

　　"That's good." Mr. Ferdinand said. "I'll have a good lunch." So Mrs. Ferdinand went to her meeting. All the ladies lunched at Mrs. Young's house, and at three o'clock Mrs. Ferdinand came home.

　　"Was your fish nice, Roger?" She asked.

　　"Yes, but my feet are hurting." He answered.

　　"Why are they hurting?" Mrs. Ferdinand asked.

　　"Well, the words on the tin are 'open tin and stand in hot water for five minutes!'"

　　一天早晨，費迪南德太太對丈夫說：“羅傑，今天楊太太要在午餐的時候在家裡舉辦一個聚會，我打算去參加，我給你準備了些食品當午餐，行嗎?”她的丈夫回答說：“行啊，很好。那你準備了些什麼?”

　　費迪南德太太說：“一罐魚，還有一些冷凍的炸土豆和青豆。”

　　費迪南德先生說：“真是棒極了，我可以享用一頓美味的午餐了。”說完，費迪南德太太去出席聚會了。周圍所有的太太也都參加了楊太太家的聚會。直到下午三點的時候，費迪南德太太才回到家。

　　“羅傑，魚好吃嗎?”她問丈夫。

　　丈夫回答：“好吃，可是我的腳卻弄傷了。”

　　費迪南德太太問：“怎麼弄傷的?”

　　“你看，罐頭的說明書上寫著：’開啟罐頭，在燙水中站立5分鐘’。”

　　簡單的短篇英文笑話：A Real Fortune-teller 真正的算命先生

　　While Milgrom waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune.

　　He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: "You weigh 195 pounds, you"re married and you're on your way to San Diego." Milgrom stood there dumbfounded.

　　Another man put in a quarter and the computer read："You weigh 184 pounds, you're divorced and you're on your way to Chicago."

　　Milgrom was amazed. Then he rushed to the men's room, changed his clothes and put on dark glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read: "You still weigh 195 pounds, you're still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego!"

　　米爾格魯姆在機場等待登機的時候，注意到了一個電腦秤，它既能稱體重又能算命。

　　他把一個兩毛五的硬幣丟進電腦秤的一個小孔裡，電腦螢幕上顯示出這樣一行字：“你的體重是195磅，你已經結婚，你將要去往聖迭戈。”米爾格魯姆頓時站在那裡發起了愣。

　　又有一個人過來了， 他也把硬幣丟進電腦秤裡，螢幕上顯示：“你的體重是184磅，你已經離婚了，你將要去往芝加哥。”

　　米爾格魯姆很是驚訝。於是，他衝進洗手間，換了一套衣服，戴上了墨鏡，又一次走到電腦稱前。這次螢幕上顯示：“你的體重依然是195磅，你依然是個結了婚的人。只是你剛剛錯過飛往聖迭戈的飛機。”