關於超簡單的英語笑話

　　冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,伴隨著網路的普及它已經滲透到了青年群體的日常生活,偶爾爆出的一兩句冷笑話能使交流氛圍變得輕鬆愉悅,也能展示交談者的幽默和智慧。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!

　　：摩西和耶穌

　　A burglar***竊賊*** breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it. Once again he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you".

　　He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks "Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says "What kind of person names his bird moses?" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

　　一個竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個喜歡的CD機，他趕緊拿了。就在這個時候他聽到有人說：“耶穌正在看著你。”他照著手電看來看去，嘀咕著：“到底是什麼人在說話?”這時，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。那聲音又來了：“耶穌正在看著你。”

　　他躲到一個角落，想找出是誰在說話。結果看到一隻鸚鵡，於是他問鸚鵡：“是你在說話嗎?”鸚鵡承認了。 小賊說：“你叫什麼名字?”“摩西”。小賊說：“什麼人給鳥取這種名字?”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名為‘耶穌’的那個人啊。”

　　：I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied, "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　　“我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個幹什麼?” “因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”

　　：Liver and Cheese

　　Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

　　The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

　　The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

　　Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

　　The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

　　"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

　　She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

　　"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

　　"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

　　She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

　　The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

　　He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

　　Liver alone. Cheese mine.

　　：A Duck Walks into a Bar

　　A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

　　Barman says: "No."

　　Duck says: "Got any bread?"

　　Barman says: "No."

　　Duck says: "Got any bread?"

　　Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

　　Duck says: "Got any bread?"

　　Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

　　Duck says: "Got any bread?"

　　Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

　　Duck says: "Got any nails?"

　　Barman says: "No"

　　Duck says: "Got any bread?

　　：Golfer 高爾夫球手

　　Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill***蟻冢***.

　　Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

　　So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

　　Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

　　Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

　　從前有個高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。

　　他沒有移動球的位置，而是決定就地擊球。於是他使勁一揮球杆，塵土和著螞蟻，四處飛揚。所有的東西都動了，除了那隻球，它呆在原地，一動沒動。

　　於是，他準備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚，螞蟻們也再次跟著遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲不動。

　　兩隻螞蟻倖免於難，一隻暈暈乎乎地對另一隻說：“哇，我們怎麼辦啊?”

　　另一隻螞蟻說：“我不知道你怎麼想，但是我準備爬到那隻球上去。”