稍長一點的幽默英文笑話

　　看笑話可以使我們的性格永遠開朗。如果你是一個性格內向的人，那你就來看笑話吧，時間長了，你就會是一個性格開朗的人。 小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!

　　：Guilty?

　　A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

　　"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for anoffense committed by his limb."

　　"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

　　The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

　　：Lawyer jokes

　　1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.

　　They weren't working.... They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

　　2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

　　She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

　　3. How does an attorney sleep?

　　First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

　　4. How many lawyer jokes are there?

　　Only three. The rest are true stories.

　　5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

　　How many can you afford?

　　6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

　　Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

　　7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you

　　***A*** Go to lunch, or ***B*** read the newspaper?

　　8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

　　9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

　　10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? 'Senator.'

　　11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? 'Your Honor.'

　　12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

　　13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.

　　14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

　　Don't know. ***There are some things a pig just won't do.***

　　15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

　　The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

　　16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

　　Removable wing tips.

　　17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, while New

　　Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?

　　New Jersey got first choice.

　　18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?

　　Chelsea Clinton.

　　：An ounce of brains

　　A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor.

　　It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.

　　His doctor gives him a choice of available brains.

　　There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce.

　　A jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce.

　　And a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce.

　　The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip off! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?"

　　The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"