經典爆笑英語笑話大全

　　近些年,冷笑話作為一種特殊的幽默方式在網際網路、電視節目、書籍雜誌上廣泛流傳。下面是小編帶來的經典爆笑英語笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　經典爆笑英語笑話篇一

　　紋身

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　二戰中，湯姆和我剛結婚幾個月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他寫道:“我想把海軍戰艦紋刻在胸前。”

　　Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　我沒有勸阻，只是簡單地回了信:“給我寄一張你紋旁的照片來，然後我也在我的胸前仿紋一個。”

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　　我們現在已結婚51年了，誰也沒紋過身。

　　經典爆笑英語笑話篇二

　　懲罰

　　When my daughter had her first child，her husband,Chen Xi，was serving in the army in a remote mountain area. One day，Chen Xi's superior called him into his tent and ordered him to do 50 push-ups. After he completed，Chen Xi asked him what he had done wrong.“I don't have any cigarettes and sweets,"the officer said. "You just had a son!"

　　當我女兒生第一個小孩時，她丈夫陳希正在邊遠的山區服兵役。一天，陳希的隊長把他叫進了帳篷，並命令他做50個俯臥撐。陳希做完了之後，問隊長他做錯了什麼事而受罰。隊長說:“你剛有了一個兒子，而我卻沒收到任何的煙和據。”

　　經典爆笑英語笑話篇三

　　分別對待

　　On a visit to the United States，Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. "What do you do for a living here?"the Soviet leader asked him.

　　在出訪美國期間，戈爾巴喬夫遇見了一位移居美國的俄國人。“你在這兒靠什麼謀生?”蘇聯的領導問他。

　　"My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.”

　　“我哥、我妹和我在一個大工廠工作.”

　　"How do these capitalist bosses treat you?"

　　“那兒的資本家對你們怎樣?”

　　"Just fine，"answered the man.“In fact，if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time，he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.”

　　“還不錯，”那人回答，“事實上，如果你下班回家，老闆會讓你搭坐他的豪華車，把你送到家。有時侯，他還請你去豪華的飯店吃一頓。有時候，他邀你到他家去度週末，還送給你禮物。”

　　Gorbachev was stunned.”How often does this happen?"

　　戈爾巴喬夫很吃驚:“這種事多久有一回?”

　　"Well，to me，actually never. But to my sister，several times. "

　　“嗯，對我嘛，還沒有一次呢。但對我妹妹，已經有好幾次了。”

　　經典爆笑英語笑話篇四

　　除卡之外……

　　After many years of wanting an automatic-teller card, I finally got one. The first time I used it was at a bank machine in a nearby college town. A student was there, when I arrived，and I asked him if he'd like to help me figure out the proper procedure.

　　多少年來我總盼望有張自動取款卡，現在我終於有了。記得第一次我在大學城附近的一個銀行自動提款機上使用我的卡時，我問站在旁邊的一個學生，是否能幫我使用這個機器的程式。“當然，”他回答。

　　"Sure，"he replied.

　　我向他解擇說我想存一筆錢。他打斷了我說:“我想我幫不了你了，我從未存過錢.”

　　I explained that I wanted to make a deposit. He cut me off and said, "I don't think I can help you. I've never made a deposit.”

　　經典爆笑英語笑話篇五

　　後知之明

　　Several years ago, the Connecticut state police were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall.One officer, failing to do so，found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.

　　幾年前，康涅狄格州的警方對警察們有這樣一個要求——在下第一場雪後，把車胎上加上鐵鏈。有一個警官就沒這麼做，也巧他在一次車子打滑中翻了車，車底朝上。

　　A woman called the police station to report the accident. In reply to inquires on the officer's condition，she said，"Well，he seems okay, but you'd better get. someone out here real quick. He's standing on the car，putting chains on the tires !”

　　一位婦女給警方打電話報告了這個事玫。在問其該警官的處境時，她報告說:“他看上去沒事兒，不過，你們最好快點把他弄走，他正站在車底盤上給輪胎套鏈子呢!"